10 Signs You’re Not Lazy, You’re ‘Selectively Motivated’ – And That’s A Good Thing

When you look around your life and think: I could be more fit, I should have more money, I need to be doing more work, maybe the reason you’re not isn’t because you’re lazy or inherently unworthy, but because you do not care about those things as much as society is making you think you should.

The world conditions us to think that we have to be everything, all the time. That once we conquer one area of our lives, we need to put our energy toward fixing another.

Maybe you’re not working on the book because you really don’t want to write, even though you like the idea of being a writer. Maybe you aren’t getting in better shape because you’ve been conditioned to think there’s something wrong with your body in the first place. Maybe you’re not working toward running your own business because you only think you want to.

Sometimes, the thing that we can’t seem to fix isn’t meant to be fixed, and what’s distressing to us is that we are having a hard time accepting that it is the way it is.

But successful people don’t do this. They don’t waste their energy on things that don’t matter, or that they don’t care about. Here, how to know if you’re one of them.

1. When you aren’t genuinely inspired by something, you become paralyzed.You have a very hard time forcing yourself to do anything you don’t really want to.

2. You frequently give yourself a hard time for not doing “more.” In a world that conditions you to believe you need to be more, more, more, sometimes you fail to recognize everything you have done in the face of everything that you’re still struggling to juggle.

3. You’re not afraid to give up on what’s not working. A lot of people stay in the wrong jobs, commit themselves to projects they know aren’t right, or stay with partners they don’t actually get along with because they are afraid to disturb the status quo. Sometimes “giving up” is the most liberating and important thing you can do, and you would rather people judge you for changing than not do what you know is right in your heart.

4. When it comes to anything from reading books to attending classes in school, you excel when you’re genuinely interested, and just get by when you’re not. It’s not that you’re inherently less smart than other students, it’s that you can’t feign interest in things that don’t apply or resonate with you.

5. You believe you have a big purpose in life, one that’s far more than just going to work, paying the bills, and waiting around to die.

6. You don’t want to spend all of your energy each day working on creating other people’s dreams. You’re motivated by knowing you’re creating something for yourself.

7. You’d rather be fulfilled than comfortable. Being selectively motivated doesn’t mean you’re quick to give up or choose the easier path, it just means you’re only willing to suffer for what’s really worth it.

8.  What you care about is what motivates you. What you’re good at is what motivates you. Those two things, when done in tandem, create your purpose. You realize that the things you like are not random, they are fundamentally a part of what you are supposed to do here.

9. You feel disproportionately motivated when it comes to “getting your life together.” You will happily spend 11 hours of your day working on your creative projects, but can’t get yourself to care about decorating your apartment better, or having more stylish clothing. A lot of things that other people seem to care about a lot don’t always register as important to you.

10. You’re willing to sacrifice some parts of your life to put your energy toward others. Maybe you wear a “personal uniform” each day so your first energy in the morning goes toward something other than how you appear. Maybe you’re choosing to stay single for a period of time because your focus needs to be primarily on yourself. Maybe you’ve moved to a cheaper city so you’re able to pursue more freelance dreams. The point is: you’re willing to do anything for what you care about, and you’re not afraid to discard what you know won’t matter in the end.

By : Brianna Weist

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Stop Being Fucking Obsessed With Your Problems To Change Your Life

If your life is shitty, it’s probably not because you have problems, but because you’re in love with your problems, and don’t realize it.

When you meet up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while to spend an hour talking over coffee, what do you talk about? Do you hang out with people who give you advice, or people who feed into your complaining? Are you happy for successful people or are you jealous of them? Are you more aware of what you don’t want in your life than what you do?

If you feel like you can’t overcome a “problem” in your life, it might be because you don’t want to.

You love your problems because you think they do something for you: you’re defending them and keeping them firmly intact in your psyche because you’re afraid of letting them go. There is no other reason anyone would hold onto something that keeps hurting them so much.

This is usually a defense or coping mechanism of some sort. A lot of people cling to their anxiety because they think that if they are already broken nothing can break them.

Think about it this way: if you’re the “funny single girl” whose punch line is always about how you’re in a relationship with wine, you’re receiving affirmation for it, and it’s going to make you much less inclined to actually try to find the right relationship. There’s a lot to lose if overcoming a problem means sacrificing a part of the identity you’ve built, and sometimes, it doesn’t outweigh what you think you’ll gain.

If you’re upset because you’re single, actually put yourself out there. Try being set up on a blind date or download a dating app (perhaps not ideal, but it’s a start). If you don’t make enough money, pick up a side gig, or start grooming your résumé and applying to new positions. If you’re always over-spending, make a budget on excel, download Mint and start holding yourself accountable. If you dislike how your body looks, either embrace it or start eating better and actually try. If you’re always anxious or depressed, go to a doctor or therapist, and see what combination of nutrition, medicine and therapy you would need to start improving your quality of life.

Solutions do exist, if you stop justifying why they don’t, or why they won’t work for you: “The universe is so well balanced that the mere fact that you have a problem also serves as a sign that there is a solution.”

Nobody’s saying it’s going to be easy. Nobody’s saying that it’s not going to hurt. They’re just saying that it’s possible when you stop justifying and defending why you “can’t,” rather than focusing on what small, incremental steps you can start taking now.

Problems have a sneaky way of convincing you to defend them. Sometimes it’s because you begin to think that they are a part of you, or that you need to be expressive about how much pain you’re in because otherwise, people just won’t “get it.” What you don’t realize is that you are the only person who can validate your pain, and you are the only person who can let it go.

Once you do, you will realize that your problems are not who you are, they are what’s standing in the way of becoming who you are.

It’s easier to be more in love with coping mechanisms than solutions. It’s instant gratification. But at what cost? Ask yourself: Why do I love this? What do I think this does for me? Once you identify the need it is meeting, you can find another way to meet it.

“If you are waiting for someone to fix you, save you, or even help you, you’re wasting your time. Only you have the power to change your life.”

By : Brianna Weist

You need to know that your heart is not always going to feel strong, that you need to forgive yourself for all the times you did not show others your very best. Forgive yourself for the times you are not able to see the best in yourself. If you’re worried that the people around you are judging you and cannot see you as a dynamic, multifaceted, emotional human being, then they are not the kind of people you need to concern yourself with.

Love Isn’t Going To Fix You

Love isn’t going to fix you. It isn’t going to fix your mental health. It isn’t going to fix your social life. And it isn’t going to fix your heart.

Love isn’t going to make every day beautiful. It isn’t going to transform your world into something that will always be full of light. Love isn’t going to turn your life into a perfect daydream. It isn’t going to become a fantasy.

Love may mask it for a while. Love might mask your pain. It might mask the void. It may mask the holes in your heart. And it may mask your lack of self confidence. But it’s only a temporary mask. It’s only a temporary feeling.

Because once the honey moon stage ends, you won’t feel so high anymore. You won’t feel so stable or settled in. And you’ll realize that yes, love is important. But it is not the end all be all.

You see, love is not paint. It’s not going to fix every scratch and mistake you’ve ever made. It isn’t going to fix your past or gloss it over.

You’ve got to heal those broken parts on your own. You can’t rely on someone else to fix you. Love won’t make you forget the mistakes and the tears and the loneliness. Love is not a magic spell.

You need to be able to forgive yourself before you even begin to think about loving someone else. you need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and not want to spit at your own face. You need to be able to truly see yourself, to truly be yourself, and to not hate yourself.

Love will come your way when it is meant to. Love will come your way when you love yourself more than you love the thought of loving someone else. You can’t expect another person to make you perfect. You can’t expect another person to make your life full of joy.

Because at the end of the day, this world is lonely and hard and dark.

And you need to believe in yourself first, before you believe in someone else. You need to learn how to love your imperfections and your brokenness. You need to be able to appreciate your past and all the wounds and bruises your heart holds. You need to accept you for you. To  accept the pain and the hurricanes that life has brought you.

Only then, can you truly love someone else with your whole heart. Only then, can you build a special bond. But first? Build that bond with yourself. Build that bond with your ugly pieces. And learn how to love them. Because while loving someone else will not fix you, loving yourself will.

By :  Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

30 Things You Don’t Realize If You Feel You Aren’t As Far As You Should Be In Life

1. Your impact on humanity is not something you measure with a line on a résumé or nice Instagram photos. You leave your legacy in the minds and hearts of others.

2. Joy does not come and go, your awareness of it does.

3. Happiness does not come and go, your awareness of it does.

4. Gratitude does not come and go, your awareness of it does.

5. You will be as at peace with your life as you continually call your attention to be.

6. You’re allowed to do nothing. In other cultures, having long, lingering dinner conversations, taking holidays each year, relaxing and just being are customary… not privileges you have to feel guilty for or justify with your exhaustion.

7. You can be anything ≠ you have to be everything.

8. Maybe you’re not as far as some other people because you got sick. Maybe you needed to take a season to lay in bed and cry and sweat out your old pains. Maybe you felt traveling was more important than investing. Maybe what you learned from what you chose was what you needed to do to get here.

9. Some people are better at crafting their lives. Some are great photographers, others have better elevator pitches. Some have great style, others blur out the less flattering details of their lives. Just because something seems better doesn’t always mean it is.

10. You’re not upset with the way your life is, you’re upset because you assume that your life should be different than how it is right now.

11. You have exactly the life you want. You have chosen every detail – but it’s not until you realize why you’re choosing these things that you’ll really be free.

12. Creating the life you want is the easiest thing in the world. Creating a life you don’t really want is impossible. And that’s where most people get stuck.

13. Analyze what you think would make your life better. Ask yourself if that’s what you really want, or if that’s what you think you should want in order to give yourself permission to feel happy.

14. … Because that’s all that really changes. You either give yourself permission to find and create happiness, or you don’t. Most people wait for the outside world to give them something they think is worthy of being happy about.

15. … Which is why most people also fear desperately that the world will one day take their happiness away.

16. Make sure you’re not more in love with the idea of who an accomplishment would make you more than you are in love with the act of actually doing it.

17. Perhaps what you’re jealous of in other people is not what you don’t have, but what you won’t allow yourself to go get.

18. Perhaps what you’re really worried about when you think things don’t look good enough is that inside, they don’t feel good enough.

19. Your joy doesn’t have to come from work. Work is not all there is! Work is what you do to facilitate your life, not what you should ever rely on to escape your life.

20. If you could speak with yourself a year ago, they’d be shocked at how far you’ve come.

21. If you could see yourself in a year from now, you’d be shocked at how much is going to change.

22. Never underestimate a single day of your life. You meet the love of your life in one day. You’re offered your dream job in one day. Everything that changes your life irrevocably happens in a day.

23. Bullying yourself over what’s not ‘perfect’ in your life yet is not motivating you to do better. It’s only creating more fear.

24. Remember that a few generations ago, just having a home and a job and some family and friends were the ultimate markers of success. Remember that you’re doing as well in life as the standard that you compare yourself to.

25. Your perception of your life is within your locus of control. Circumstances don’t determine your happiness, your decision to be present and participate does.

26. You are healing in ways you do not even recognize right now. You will look back on this next year and see so clearly what was happening, and how beautiful it was.

27. Forget about how smoothly you’re traveling, and focus on the direction you’re going. No path is linear. The way to anything is going to be full of peaks and valleys, what matters is only where you’re headed in the end.

28. You will accomplish the thing you want to accomplish. You will get there eventually. But if you don’t learn to enjoy today, you’ll get there only wanting more.

29. The world is radically different just by the very virtue of you being alive, and your only true purpose is just that: to be here.

30. The real work is learning love. Everything else is just distraction.

By : Brianna Weist

8 Signs Of Self-Doubt That Secretly Mean You’re Actually Becoming Successful

1. Not everyone likes you, or your work.

Unless you’re being intentionally malicious and the consensus seems to be that you’re altogether disliked by everyone, having some people dislike you is an incredible sign of personal development. It means you’re clear on your identity, are making a statement with your work, and aren’t willing to compromise who you are in order to appease everyone. Not to mention the fact that when people envy others’ success, they often try to identify reasons why they aren’t that great, or deserving. Let this sort of feedback be a sign that you’re really starting to impact people in a way you haven’t before.

2. You’re becoming a perfectionist.

When you start to get really particular about how you and your work appear, it means you’re getting clearer and clearer on your vision. It means that you are willing to put in the extra labor to create something extraordinary, not just “good enough.” Being a perfectionist in every part of your life will cause you stress. Being a perfectionist in your work will make you a master.

3. You’re learning how to let go.

You’re learning how to be wrong, how to start over when something isn’t going well, how to accept what you cannot change. It is impossible to truly fulfill your potential without experiencing some setbacks and road blocks. Your ability to identify them – and then let them go – correlates to your success overall. You’re focused on your end goal, not making sure everything goes exactly the way you once anticipated it would.

4. You’re not sure what the future holds.

This is perhaps the most counterintuitive sign of success, but the most common. When you are really actualizing potential and pursuing your dreams, security flies out the window. You no longer know what the end of the year holds, forget a 5 year plan or anything like that. The reality is that people latch onto ideas that make them feel safe. You shouldn’t know what you’re doing in the future: life changes too often, and you should always hold space to change your mind, try something new, or ascend to a destiny greater than you can even imagine right now.

5. You’re confronting limiting fears.

You think that because you are doing what you “love” each day, you should be filled with joy and inspiration… only to find that the limiting beliefs, fears and ideas that once paralyzed you are dancing around in your head more than ever. Consider it an incredible thing if you have something so powerful and incredible in your life that you could fear losing it, that you could fear not being good enough for it, that you could fear failing. You are only witnessing fears that were latent, and now you’re being given the opportunity to let them pass.

6. You have to let go of the life you once thought you’d live.

So many people think that reality not living up to their expectations is failure, but really, it is often a sign of success. Life shouldn’t look the way you once thought it would. If things unfold exactly as you anticipated, you have not taken risks, gone on adventures, or done any significant work on finding who you really are and what you really want. Your concept of the “ideal life” will evolve over time; honor each version.

7. You’ve changed as a person.

When you look back on the person you were just a year or so ago, it should be surprising even to you how much you have changed and how different you are as a person. Though the core tenets of your personality will likely withstand over the years, when you change your life to fulfill your dreams, your work ethic, your habits, your preferences, your hobbies and your mindset will shift dramatically.

8. You realize success isn’t everything.

Perhaps the wildest sign of them all is that when you start to become truly successful, you also start to realize how little it matters. You will start to realize that it is not the answer to your problems, and that you also value the people in your life, your down time, and your ability to enjoy your days. True success is realizing that success is not everything people think it is, and it is a privilege to be able to know that.

By : Brianna Weist