You need to know that your heart is not always going to feel strong, that you need to forgive yourself for all the times you did not show others your very best. Forgive yourself for the times you are not able to see the best in yourself. If you’re worried that the people around you are judging you and cannot see you as a dynamic, multifaceted, emotional human being, then they are not the kind of people you need to concern yourself with.
Love isn’t going to fix you. It isn’t going to fix your mental health. It isn’t going to fix your social life. And it isn’t going to fix your heart.
Love isn’t going to make every day beautiful. It isn’t going to transform your world into something that will always be full of light. Love isn’t going to turn your life into a perfect daydream. It isn’t going to become a fantasy.
Love may mask it for a while. Love might mask your pain. It might mask the void. It may mask the holes in your heart. And it may mask your lack of self confidence. But it’s only a temporary mask. It’s only a temporary feeling.
Because once the honey moon stage ends, you won’t feel so high anymore. You won’t feel so stable or settled in. And you’ll realize that yes, love is important. But it is not the end all be all.
You see, love is not paint. It’s not going to fix every scratch and mistake you’ve ever made. It isn’t going to fix your past or gloss it over.
You’ve got to heal those broken parts on your own. You can’t rely on someone else to fix you. Love won’t make you forget the mistakes and the tears and the loneliness. Love is not a magic spell.
You need to be able to forgive yourself before you even begin to think about loving someone else. you need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and not want to spit at your own face. You need to be able to truly see yourself, to truly be yourself, and to not hate yourself.
Love will come your way when it is meant to. Love will come your way when you love yourself more than you love the thought of loving someone else. You can’t expect another person to make you perfect. You can’t expect another person to make your life full of joy.
Because at the end of the day, this world is lonely and hard and dark.
And you need to believe in yourself first, before you believe in someone else. You need to learn how to love your imperfections and your brokenness. You need to be able to appreciate your past and all the wounds and bruises your heart holds. You need to accept you for you. To accept the pain and the hurricanes that life has brought you.
Only then, can you truly love someone else with your whole heart. Only then, can you build a special bond. But first? Build that bond with yourself. Build that bond with your ugly pieces. And learn how to love them. Because while loving someone else will not fix you, loving yourself will.
By : Lauren Jarvis-Gibson
1. Your impact on humanity is not something you measure with a line on a résumé or nice Instagram photos. You leave your legacy in the minds and hearts of others.
2. Joy does not come and go, your awareness of it does.
3. Happiness does not come and go, your awareness of it does.
4. Gratitude does not come and go, your awareness of it does.
5. You will be as at peace with your life as you continually call your attention to be.
6. You’re allowed to do nothing. In other cultures, having long, lingering dinner conversations, taking holidays each year, relaxing and just being are customary… not privileges you have to feel guilty for or justify with your exhaustion.
7. You can be anything ≠ you have to be everything.
8. Maybe you’re not “as far” as some other people because you got sick. Maybe you needed to take a season to lay in bed and cry and sweat out your old pains. Maybe you felt traveling was more important than investing. Maybe what you learned from what you chose was what you needed to do to get here.
9. Some people are better at crafting their lives. Some are great photographers, others have better elevator pitches. Some have great style, others blur out the less flattering details of their lives. Just because something seems better doesn’t always mean it is.
10. You’re not upset with the way your life is, you’re upset because you assume that your life should be different than how it is right now.
11. You have exactly the life you want. You have chosen every detail – but it’s not until you realize why you’re choosing these things that you’ll really be free.
12. Creating the life you want is the easiest thing in the world. Creating a life you don’t really want is impossible. And that’s where most people get stuck.
13. Analyze what you think would make your life better. Ask yourself if that’s what you really want, or if that’s what you think you should want in order to give yourself permission to feel happy.
14. … Because that’s all that really changes. You either give yourself permission to find and create happiness, or you don’t. Most people wait for the outside world to give them something they think is worthy of being happy about.
15. … Which is why most people also fear desperately that the world will one day take their happiness away.
16. Make sure you’re not more in love with the idea of who an accomplishment would make you more than you are in love with the act of actually doing it.
17. Perhaps what you’re jealous of in other people is not what you don’t have, but what you won’t allow yourself to go get.
18. Perhaps what you’re really worried about when you think things don’t look good enough is that inside, they don’t feel good enough.
19. Your joy doesn’t have to come from work. Work is not all there is! Work is what you do to facilitate your life, not what you should ever rely on to escape your life.
20. If you could speak with yourself a year ago, they’d be shocked at how far you’ve come.
21. If you could see yourself in a year from now, you’d be shocked at how much is going to change.
22. Never underestimate a single day of your life. You meet the love of your life in one day. You’re offered your dream job in one day. Everything that changes your life irrevocably happens in a day.
23. Bullying yourself over what’s not ‘perfect’ in your life yet is not motivating you to do better. It’s only creating more fear.
24. Remember that a few generations ago, just having a home and a job and some family and friends were the ultimate markers of success. Remember that you’re doing as well in life as the standard that you compare yourself to.
25. Your perception of your life is within your locus of control. Circumstances don’t determine your happiness, your decision to be present and participate does.
26. You are healing in ways you do not even recognize right now. You will look back on this next year and see so clearly what was happening, and how beautiful it was.
27. Forget about how smoothly you’re traveling, and focus on the direction you’re going. No path is linear. The way to anything is going to be full of peaks and valleys, what matters is only where you’re headed in the end.
28. You will accomplish the thing you want to accomplish. You will get there eventually. But if you don’t learn to enjoy today, you’ll get there only wanting more.
29. The world is radically different just by the very virtue of you being alive, and your only true purpose is just that: to be here.
30. The real work is learning love. Everything else is just distraction.
By : Brianna Weist
Forgiving yourself means that you need to focus on your present moment instead of mourning the sad things from your past life.
1. Not everyone likes you, or your work.
Unless you’re being intentionally malicious and the consensus seems to be that you’re altogether disliked by everyone, having some people dislike you is an incredible sign of personal development. It means you’re clear on your identity, are making a statement with your work, and aren’t willing to compromise who you are in order to appease everyone. Not to mention the fact that when people envy others’ success, they often try to identify reasons why they aren’t that great, or deserving. Let this sort of feedback be a sign that you’re really starting to impact people in a way you haven’t before.
2. You’re becoming a perfectionist.
When you start to get really particular about how you and your work appear, it means you’re getting clearer and clearer on your vision. It means that you are willing to put in the extra labor to create something extraordinary, not just “good enough.” Being a perfectionist in every part of your life will cause you stress. Being a perfectionist in your work will make you a master.
3. You’re learning how to let go.
You’re learning how to be wrong, how to start over when something isn’t going well, how to accept what you cannot change. It is impossible to truly fulfill your potential without experiencing some setbacks and road blocks. Your ability to identify them – and then let them go – correlates to your success overall. You’re focused on your end goal, not making sure everything goes exactly the way you once anticipated it would.
4. You’re not sure what the future holds.
This is perhaps the most counterintuitive sign of success, but the most common. When you are really actualizing potential and pursuing your dreams, security flies out the window. You no longer know what the end of the year holds, forget a 5 year plan or anything like that. The reality is that people latch onto ideas that make them feel safe. You shouldn’t know what you’re doing in the future: life changes too often, and you should always hold space to change your mind, try something new, or ascend to a destiny greater than you can even imagine right now.
5. You’re confronting limiting fears.
You think that because you are doing what you “love” each day, you should be filled with joy and inspiration… only to find that the limiting beliefs, fears and ideas that once paralyzed you are dancing around in your head more than ever. Consider it an incredible thing if you have something so powerful and incredible in your life that you could fear losing it, that you could fear not being good enough for it, that you could fear failing. You are only witnessing fears that were latent, and now you’re being given the opportunity to let them pass.
6. You have to let go of the life you once thought you’d live.
So many people think that reality not living up to their expectations is failure, but really, it is often a sign of success. Life shouldn’t look the way you once thought it would. If things unfold exactly as you anticipated, you have not taken risks, gone on adventures, or done any significant work on finding who you really are and what you really want. Your concept of the “ideal life” will evolve over time; honor each version.
7. You’ve changed as a person.
When you look back on the person you were just a year or so ago, it should be surprising even to you how much you have changed and how different you are as a person. Though the core tenets of your personality will likely withstand over the years, when you change your life to fulfill your dreams, your work ethic, your habits, your preferences, your hobbies and your mindset will shift dramatically.
8. You realize success isn’t everything.
Perhaps the wildest sign of them all is that when you start to become truly successful, you also start to realize how little it matters. You will start to realize that it is not the answer to your problems, and that you also value the people in your life, your down time, and your ability to enjoy your days. True success is realizing that success is not everything people think it is, and it is a privilege to be able to know that.
By : Brianna Weist
Your past does not define you.
Your past may have clawed their way into your bones, filling you with fear and anger. You may have become someone unrecognizable, all because of someone who took your beautiful innocence away and destroyed you.
You may have nights with an eternal cycle of agony because your mind kept reliving that moment you decided that you didn’t belong to this world. You may have wanted to punish yourself for giving up on yourself, treating yourself so badly as if it was your fault.
Don’t you dare hurt yourself. None of what happened to you was your fault.
You are not naïve for believing in false promises when all you really did was crave for a love that was real.
You are not weak for not being able to see past every lie that was ever told to you.
You are not vulnerable for being someone who just loved everything and everyone with everything that you’ve had.
How could it be your fault when all you really wanted was to fit in with the rest of the world?
You are not your past.
You have the ability to get back up and fight the world. You have chosen to be someone of a genuine and compassionate heart, even if you had every reason to despise the world.
The world treated you in such a destructive way when all you wanted was to love and be loved in return. The world opened your eyes to a new reality that people have the ability to ruin who you are and make it seem as if it was your fault.
To you, whoever is reading this, I am truly sorry that you had to go through this alone. I am truly sorry for all the times when life didn’t treat you right. I am truly sorry for all the times you thought nobody was worth trusting anymore.
I am truly sorry for the great amount of pain you had to endure, for all the fake smiles and all the reassuring words you had to say to both yourself and to everyone else.
I am truly sorry for all those moments you wanted to break down and fall apart, but you had to be strong, so all you did was take a deep breathe and smile.
I am truly sorry for the feeling of loneliness you have felt for most of your life, for feeling the need to always have your guard up because you’d rather push everyone away than trust the wrong person again.
But you don’t deserve this.
You know what you deserve?
You deserve all the love that you’ve been giving to everyone else. You deserve the kind of life you have always dreamed of having.
You deserve to smile a genuine smile, the kind of smile that you could see stars shining in your eyes because you couldn’t be any happier.
You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and believe in yourself, believe that you are capable of doing so much more than you ever imagined.
You deserve to trust people again and to let down your walls because not everyone is going to betray your trust.
Lastly, you deserve to finally let go of your dark past and be brave enough to move forward in your life.
You deserve the world for being strong enough to handle the hell of what you have been through and for that, I am so proud of you.
By : Dorothy Field
People like to talk a lot about what’s “toxic” in their lives, and how they can, and should, expunge it.
Cleaning fluids, processed meats, people.
The only thing that can be toxic in your life is complacency. You are the one consuming, choosing and returning to these things. Nobody is holding a gun to your head. You are a slave to your most carnal desire: comfort.
But we choose things we don’t want on auto-pilot when there are no better options. We do this when we are too afraid to ask for what we really want.
When we see no more worthwhile options, we stagnate.
Maybe the problem with your life isn’t that the universe won’t comply with your needs and desires, maybe it isn’t that your fear is so overwhelming that you are immobilized, maybe it isn’t that roadblocks keep appearing just as you try to accelerate. Maybe the root of the problem is that you aren’t asking for what you want, and you’re being absolutely sidelined when the world doesn’t give it to you.
Maybe what you want is more financial stability, yet you’re not asking for more work, or a side gig, or a new job. Maybe what you want is for your partner to love you in some really specific way and you’re not telling them what it is. Maybe your anxiety is actually a signal that is asking you to meet a super basic need, and you won’t communicate it to yourself.
You would be floored by how often you can get what you want just by asking for it.
Not demanding it. Not guilting someone for it. Not pressuring, shaming, or convincing them.
Politely, with sincerity.
I’ve never seen someone commit to a relationship because their potential partner was rattling off a list of reasons why they “should” be together. I’ve never seen someone advance before their peers at work because they had a cold shoulder and bad attitude. I’ve never seen someone do a friend a professional favor by stating why not doing it would be completely unfair.
You know what I have seen work?
Asking your partner to commit, without having to justify why. Asking for a raise, with a spreadsheet of evidence as to why it’s deserved. Applying for a new job, and stating qualifications with ease. Asking for a favor and saying, “Thank you, I know you must be busy, I appreciate this.”
Going to yoga classes every day because your anxiety is asking for it. Eating better because the fogginess that is overcoming you everyday at 3 p.m. is asking for it.
The discrepancy between what you want and what you’re choosing can be dizzyingly wide if we never stop to really think about it.
It’s easier not to write down your desires, because then not having them doesn’t seem like such an epic failure. It’s easier to pretend that we want the bare minimum, so that we always feel accomplished and secure.
But you can’t fool yourself forever.
The easy way doesn’t work. You can only underachieve your way into so much before the discomfort boiling inside of you begs you to acknowledge that you are capable of so, so much more.
When it comes to asking for what you want, you really only have one choice. You do it, or live forever with the subtle nagging of a life half lived. The easy way out is a temporary distraction from the one path that you’ve been calling yourself to all along.
By : Brianna Weist