18 (Real) Rules For Living

by Rupert Aquino

1. Greatness only comes from great risks or great work.

Failing after taking a risk is nothing to regret doing. You should have pride in the fact that you were strong enough and believed in something enough to risk so much. It not working out is seldom more than just the reality of what is best for you in the long run. Likewise, hardly anything great will just fall into your lap. Waiting for an opportunity will most likely not yield for you many of them. You must seek.

2. All living things and beings deserve love, respect and reverence, even when you feel compelled to withhold it.

I mean all living things– animals, the earth, your enemies. Just as you are worthy, as are they. It can sometimes be tricky to not value ourselves as greater than another and then subsequently act on that, but it’s nothing that some mindfulness can’t fix.

3. You must be aware of your actions as they affect other people.

You do have the right to do as you please, until it affects somebody else. Because then it is no longer just your life that you are controlling. We are interconnected in ways that are invisible and striking once uncovered, and it’s crucial to remember that even the small, seemingly insignificant things we do to others can have a great impact on them. One of the greatest principles of being alive is learn to be kind to others.

4. Learning to apologize is good. Learning to apologize when an apology is due is what really matters.

To pretend that we are flawless and just ignore our mistakes will be debilitating and crippling, especially in relationships. However, apologizing only for the sake of doing so is not the same as apologizing when you have genuinely done wrong. There is something that really softens people when you admit that you are wrong: they release their defenses, and realize that you are, in some ways, holding up the white flag of truce.

5. One of the most important things you will do is learn to be alone with yourself… happily.

You are all that you have. People can be terrified of doing things alone, but it’s important to get over that hurdle because nothing is certain in life and nobody is bound to you but yourself. You may argue that family, spouses, friends are, but as has been proven time and time again, that just isn’t so.

6. The only thing you can be sure of in the future is change.

We really must move past our hangups with being attached to what is. It is a recipe for suffering. There are few things I can guarantee that will happen in your life other than the fact that things will change: rapidly, unexpectedly, beautifully, tragically and slowly. Sometimes bit by bit, sometimes all at once. There is no use in doing anything but embracing this.

7. Family is optional and not necessarily nuclear.

Sure you’re biologically related to some people, but really, the “family” that matters are the people you love and choose to surround yourself with everyday. By traditional definition, family is a group consisting of parents and children living together, but I would vouch to disagree with that. You need not have children to have a family. What you do need, however, is a group of people, regardless of how big or small, who love, support, nurture, cherish and care for one another unconditionally.

8. Nothing is real but right now.

The past is obsolete and the future is pending. You may attach yourself to these concepts, they are just figments of your imagination. It is a false comfort you get from them. Learn to be comforted and even astounded at what you have right now, and how beautiful it is.

9. You have not failed until you stop trying.

You are not a failure because things haven’t worked out yet. You are a failure when you decide you’re not going to try to work on them anymore. You can spend years and years resolving or working toward something, and the day that your work pays off, you have succeeded. Until then, you’re still working on it.

10. You need the yin and yang.

Nothing would be beautiful if you didn’t know the opposite. You wouldn’t know it was daytime if it never became night. You wouldn’t know what you have unless you did not at one point. Simply put, you would not enjoy life unless you didn’t enjoy it. Live each of these phases completely, they are equally important. They are the yin and yang of your existence, and if you ask me, the only thing worth doing is being present in your existence.

11. “An ounce of appearance is equal to a pound of substance.”

People are more dynamic than the concepts we use to categorize them by. What they appear to be externally, no matter how much we like to stereotype, says next to nothing about who they are as people.

12. Imperfect is an idea that only we have devised. Everything and everybody just is. We have just made up what is right and wrong about ourselves and others.

It’s only bad if you make it bad, you are only wrong when somebody tells you or you are otherwise led to believe so. Otherwise, you would carry on without considering it. The truth of the matter is that the extent at which people judge themselves and others is largely rooted in what they have been taught. Not necessarily what is true or isn’t.

13. If you want change, change.

Complaining will not change anything. Thinking that you want change won’t do it either. You have to be ready to ease out of your comfort zone a bit. You will live the same life and face the same problems and woes until you do something about it/them.

14. No one owes you anything.

Not your parents, not your lover, not those who have wronged you. Not the government, not life in general. Although we all deserve the best, it is not necessarily anybody else’s responsibility to ensure that it happens.

15. Long term purpose and short term goals.

I’ve spoken about this before, and I must reiterate, that we’re are always in an equilibrium between what we want now and what will be best for the long-term. You need to have a bigger vision, but know that the way to get there is through the little things that add up.

16. Happiness will largely depend on your ability to stay interested and engaged.

This obviously excludes cases such as mental illness. Happiness is not a perpetual state of sustaining joy. If that were the case, there would be nothing stimulating about joyousness. It is just always having something new to delight and fascinate yourself with and by.

17. It is okay to not be okay.

Resisting being okay is actually what will affect you more than what you are resisting will. Let yourself be who you are. Let yourself feel what you feel. Be okay with not being okay. Once you can accept even the unfortunate things your life becomes a succession of experiences rather than just a series of fortunate and unfortunate events.

18. Happy people are not the ones who have it all and do not suffer.

Happy people are not, and never will be, the ones who don’t face challenges or suffer or become depressed or have dealt with serious trauma in their lives. They are the ones who know how terrible things can be, so they appreciate every little thing for what it is.

by Brianna Weist

Your Life is Art

by Rocio Montoya

There is the darkness you know and the darkness you lose and both of them have something to prove
These teachers dressed in black, stars for eyes, moon-shaped roadmaps
I have never known myself as well as when I was all there was to know
Every question rising and falling at the same rate, the same place
A pound of feathers and a pound of doubt weighs the same but one is lighter to carry
Lightly, lightly,
Everything comes together with time
Which I’m not entirely sure exists.
You see, time is an illusion, a man-made substitution for control and yet
And yet
And yet
I follow it through. Mark my life off in boxes with a permanent marker, square away all my hurt into journal entries and gratitude lists that I read through like recipes when I don’t know what to make
When sad, remember that going to the park made you grateful,
When angry, remember to find the lesson that might make you better,
When lonely, remember the way it felt to hold yourself together, how it felt like there was something else holding you, too – and remember there weren’t enough words to explain Thank You so you smiled in silence
Remember how brave you were when you didn’t know you would need to be and remember
How scared you were
Take these experiences, these little pieces
This life, a pointillism painting – you see dots up close, the heartbreaks big and small equal in size to the greatest moments of your life
Step away and see the painting
Your life is art
Your life is art
Your life is art
You do not have to make something of yourself to be beautiful. You get to be something beautiful regardless.

By : Katie Marshall

The Key to Live Your Life.

Picture : Sunsuke Iwata

Picture : Sunsuke Iwata

Life without an addiction would be nonsense. — @adimasnuel


I’ve got that quote from twitter and that still makes me think about my life, what’s my addiction now? by the way you should follow him, I guess he’s one of my twitter crush because I Iove his words, bahkan sejak twitter masih lucu-lucunya dulu. Okay, I don’t wanna talk about that here, I want to talk about life.

It’s the earlier of 2017, and I’m 25 years old. So many things happen in my life last year. I’m blessed for everything; experience, laugh, love, cry, the new perspective, the new lessons, new family, new friends. But the one thing that I realized, I was losing something inside me, and I want to find it again. Sometimes I feel like zombie. I’m empty, just breathing. Then I found that quote on twitter and I asked myself, what’s my addiction? I cannot answer.

Addiction? What’s the addiction? Is that something make you feel alive? What’s that? Dreams? The purpose of life? The vision for the next five or ten years?

Well, I have dreams. I have many things I want to get and many things to do in my dream book. And I always go with that in my bag. I want to travel the world, especialy United Kingdom and Japan on my top list. I want to have my own dream house with the beautiful garden and the cozy library, I want to drive my own Mini Cooper, etc.

The purpose of my life is my family. We want to make our family to feel happy. My mentors always said that we should make it with the details. All of the parent is easy to be happy, when their children grow up and have the moment to talk and eat together with them that can bring the happiness too. So how the way you make them feel happy? I want to give the best to them, like give best accommodation when their go to mecca, buy new house, and can get married with our own money.

I have the dreams, the purpose, and the vision, so why I still can’t feel the addiction, still feel empty inside me. Why? I forgot to love myself.

I realized that love yourself is very important to live our life. It’s not selfish. When you love yourself, you can be yourself. No one teach me about that before. Everybody around me always remind me, but never teach me how to love myself. Our society always say to be ourselves but then they judge us when we’re totally different. It is so confusing for me. Sick society.  So many things happen to me and I realized that we only can be ourselves when we love ourselves.

We always hear an advice from someone or the people around us to believe yourself. Believe in yourself is important too, because no one can believe in you if you don’t believe with yourself. Then I ask myself that am I believe enough with myself? Yeah I believe I can do this and that. But maybe I wasn’t trully believe in myself. You can’t trully believe with yourself when you don’t trully love yourself.

When you love yourself, you will accept everything in you, include your mistake in the past. You’re being honest with yourself. You will get the inner peace. Then you will be free, you will feel free. Feel free to do what you love, and love what you do. You will totally live your life. You will love everything around you and enjoy it. The winds, the weather, all the people around you, the failure, the achievement, smile and talk with strangers. And then you will be suprised what will happen in your live.

You must have big dreams, the vision and the purpose in your life. But love yourself first. It’s the key to live your life. Love yourself and you will get the addiciton in your life. The addiction to do the best, because you really want to give the best in every little moments, and then you will be trully live and love your life.

Why Are You Here Today?

Your purpose is not one thing.

There is not one, specific definable thing you are “meant” to do with your life.

Your specific set of skills, preferences, circumstances and natural abilities will pave a fate for you. You are your own destiny. Your path is built into you.

But you are not having the full experience of your life if you’re only trying to figure out what the “big picture” looks like. The “big picture” is just an illusion. Forever is just a series of nows.

Instead of asking yourself “Why am I here?” What you need to ask yourself each day is: “Why am I here today?”

Not: “What am I meant to do with my career?” Not: “What should my 5 year plan look like?” Not: “Who am I meant to be with?”

Those questions aren’t irrelevant, but they work themselves out on their own. One day you find the listing for the job you’re meant for. One day you’ll meet the person you’re meant for. It will just happen. That’s how you’ll know it’s right: because it’s happening. It’s really that simple.

So forget only working on one, singular purpose. When you’re really living, your purpose changes all the time. You have many different purposes, and the more you begin to realize this, the more fulfilled you will be.

Sometimes your day’s purpose is to chip away at your big, lifelong goals. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s to relax, enjoy the sunset, spend time with people you love, waste time surfing blogs, taking pictures, trying new food.

Sometimes it’s being sad, feeling unworthy, being ill, and healing.

The things we usually refer to as failures and setbacks? There are lessons in each of these things. The very lessons that instruct us on how to live the full lives we were meant for.

How do we know we were meant for them? Because we want them. If all we wanted was to be robotic, emotionless productivity machines, we wouldn’t have the itch to explore and wonder and try. We wouldn’t be tired or fatigued or need rest or want to cry.

Those questions aren’t irrelevant, but they work themselves out on their own. One day you find the listing for the job you’re meant for. One day you’ll meet the person you’re meant for. It will just happen. That’s how you’ll know it’s right: because it’s happening. It’s really that simple.

So forget only working on one, singular purpose. When you’re really living, your purpose changes all the time. You have many different purposes, and the more you begin to realize this, the more fulfilled you will be.

Sometimes your day’s purpose is to chip away at your big, lifelong goals. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s to relax, enjoy the sunset, spend time with people you love, waste time surfing blogs, taking pictures, trying new food.

Sometimes it’s being sad, feeling unworthy, being ill, and healing.

The things we usually refer to as failures and setbacks? There are lessons in each of these things. The very lessons that instruct us on how to live the full lives we were meant for.

How do we know we were meant for them? Because we want them. If all we wanted was to be robotic, emotionless productivity machines, we wouldn’t have the itch to explore and wonder and try. We wouldn’t be tired or fatigued or need rest or want to cry.

When you ask yourself: “Why am I here today?” you learn how to live in today.

When you ask yourself: “Why am I here today?” will the answer be to complain, or to dwell, or to worry? Will it be to nit-pick or judge or criticize?

Probably not.

Keep checking in with yourself each day.

You don’t have just one thing to accomplish here.

Your job isn’t just to build a life. It’s to live through it, too.

By Briana Wiest

The Amazing of 2016

Hello, it’s the last day of 2016, 31th December. I write this in good mood now, and I think this is good to end my year with good feeling. I really want to write experience in 2016 now. It’s amazing, like the roller coaster. Up and down. Happy and tears. Love and hate. Blessed and depressed too. And I grow up every day, 366 days. It’s not too long. Yeah, time flies sooooo fast.

In the first 2016, January. My life was perfect. I started my business, my first real business. But honestly it’s not really my first business. I was selling food, some accessories before too. I have job as accounting, this is not my first too. And the good thing, I have new family that is A Team Family. They help me to achieve my dreams. Sounds good, right? But honestly, I don’t know exactly what is my dreams. Then they help me, give me the direction to know what is the dream, that’s not only something you want to buy, but something important in life. I’m confused. I remember that I writed Baymax too in my list. AHAHAHA. Yeah, I guess that was cool to have Baymax in my life, to give me very comfortable hug.

Day by day I spent my day with work and business after work. Meeting with my team, come to training or personal coaching, and some event too. I’m not really good in my business, I blame it in myself. But I learn many things, not only about business but attitude, life guide, to never give up, love, care, respect, how to be friendly, how to respect another, communication, confident, to believe with myself – God – my team too, and many things.

Being entrepreneur is totally different with being the employee. No one can be mad at you when you’re not  doing right. No one can be mad at you. Only you, because you are the boss of your own business. It’s amazing to be with many people who support me everytime, in my bad and good days, My family, especially my mom and my brother, my sister too. Of course. And my new family, A Team Family. They’re never give up on me, they are always there to solve my problems. Their love is priceless.

In May 2016, I remember that one of the craziest moment in my life. I was going to another country alone. ALONE! I never do this before. and I never want to go to another city in Indonesia alone. I was going to VCON Malaysia 2016 in Penang. I really want to go there, so I didn’t really care to go alone, and I believe with my teams too. That was amazing. I never fly before. I don’t know anything. But God blessed me. I saved. and I got amazing experience in there. VCON is the biggest international conference, with more than 15.000 people from more than 170 countries. VCON is full of the magic, love, kindness, happiness, dreams, hope, and blessing. You should come to there and feel the amazing experince there.

Many things happen to me in 2016. I feel lost and found myself too. The bad thing in 2016 is myself, I was stubborn, or still stubborn ’till now. I was hurt some people around me. I lose some people too. That’s so bad when you lose someone who believe and you believe too. In 2016 I was becoming wonder woman, the woman who too much wondering. Some people believe me that I’m a lion, but the lion was too much sleeping in 2016. The sleeping beast inside me.

I really want to say sorry for my careless, my stubborn, I know that hurt many people and myself too. And I want to say thank to everyone who still love and keep believe me, keep walk behind me even when I’m not love or believe in myself. Thanks for every little moment, bad and good days. I wish we can and still make another and more beautiful memories together.

It’s gonna be the end of 2016. I know my plus and minus in me now, and I feel like the better person now, and I’m ready for the better day in very single day in my life too.

I’m on the stage that’s not too young or too old, and I’ve learnt many things. The one thing that I realized is to love yourself first, then you can be yourself, and will believe in yourself and really love your life. When you love your life, then you will do anything to live your life.

And I realized that you will get what you believe, and you will become what you believe. And I’m on high now to believe many great things will happen in 2017. I have the clear plans. and I’m very confident to get what I want. I’m gonna tell to myself and who ever read this. Don’t forget to love yourself. Share love and kindness. Great things come in thousand of little moments, and always choose what’s right instead of what’s easy. Keep your faith instead of doubt. Enjoy your journey everyday.

Happy New Year 2017. Be grateful and God blesses us.

Anxiety

Anxiety disorder is far more extensive than an ailment of someone who just worries too much. It is reflective of complete panic and it affects every aspect of life for those who suffer from it.

Anxiety has always been a part of my life. It isn’t something I talk about often, I suppose due to the negative connotation that comes with it. When people with anxiety get sick, they think the worst-case scenario of things.

Anxiety is more than just worrying, and to people who suffer from it — like I do —, the hardest part is self-acceptance. You accept yourself, you learn what triggers you and you learn how to deal with it.

Everyone else thinks people with anxiety is so irrational, but I understand you. You’re just afraid. Afraid of embarrassment. Afraid of disappointment. Afraid that the people you care about will walk away so you sit on my shoulder and constantly remind me of my flaws and insecurities because according to you, inducing fear in me will “protect” me, right?

I’ve always been anxious, always rushing around, and worrying, and being negative. My thoughts race between “I’m so alone” and “I’m having a heart attack” and sometimes go extreme with “I think I’m going to die.” Oh, and tears. There are always tears. It’s been clinically proven to be the same as the biological fight-or-flight response. Anxious bodies react to their triggers the same way non-anxious bodies would if someone pulled a gun on them and they felt the cold metal meet their forehead.

When it comes to being an anxious person, the best anyone can do is learn what triggers their anxiety and the coping mechanisms to help the moment they feel it escalating. It’s also important to find long-term strategies to prevent those feelings from building up. For people who may know and love an anxious person, the best you can do is a little research on how to be there for them. Ask about their triggers. Learn why saying things like “it’s not a big deal” or “that doesn’t make any sense” or “just try harder” are so, so problematic, and find productive alternatives. Ask what you can do to help. Listen. Most of the time you can’t look at someone and tell they’re feeling anxious, so if they choose to tell you rather than trying to bear the burden alone, really listen.

People will not always understand. What then are we to do? All I can do is be my own caregiver and get cozy with my anxiety since it’s not going anywhere. It’s not a battle I can win, but it’s not unmanageable either. In fact, I’m finding ways it works for me.

Katherine Sharpe’s Coming of Age on Zoloft describes her life and how she learned to live it with depression. She writes that the best counselor she ever had earned that title because of one question: how does your depression serve you? So I asked it too. How does my anxiety contribute to the parts of me that I like? If it disappeared tomorrow, what would it take with it and which of those things would I hate to see go? It makes me compassionate because I know despair. It makes me a better friend because I know loneliness. It makes me a better citizen because I have been met with reactions ranging from compassion to condemnation. It makes me stronger because it gives me something to spar with. And I’m working on letting go of fear of my anxiety in favor of being brave despite it.

If you’re still with me, thank you. It’s pretty cool that you wanted to know more. However, I doubt I’m the only one who by all accounts should be perfectly happy and yet isn’t, at least not all the time. Like I said, reasons are irrelevant.

I suppose the point of my little sermon is this: anxious people, and anyone else who struggles with mental health, are not weird, crazy, oversensitive or trying to be difficult. Mental health is nebulous, and we want better answers too. Believe me when I say we’re every bit as confused or frustrated or disappointed with ourselves as you’ll ever be. It’s not that we can’t handle the same things, but that we have to do them in our own ways, and it may take a little thinking outside the box (as in I meditated daily in full view of the public for over a year trying to “bring my thoughts back to center,” outside the box) to make it work. All we ask is for a little understanding, and if you don’t understand, for a little grace.

As for me, I’ll always be anxious. But I’m learning it doesn’t have to suck so much.

A Recipe For Growing Up

Add 4 scoops of “I’m sick of this shit.” Be at an age of transition, a time when you see yourself veering away from blackouts and vacuous sex but not necessarily running into the arms of adulthood. Maybe you only drink three glasses of wine now and sleep with people you like when you’re sober. That’s certainly progress from vomiting in the dorms and putting that stuff up your nose. Growing up is having a bad experience when you eat a pot brownie and deciding to never do it again. Growing up is no longer sleeping with the person who’s going to make you feel good for the 2.5 seconds while you orgasm and then make you feel like shit forever.

Add a limitless amount of resolution. You just can’t wake up another morning feeling disappointed in yourself. You must develop a learning curve, must alleviate all of this regret that’s weighing you down. Your physical weight may be small but your emotional weight is Carnie Wilson and Kirstie Alley eating sundaes at the beach. This requires a great amount of resolution. You spent so much time saying yes to everything and now it’s time to try out N-O.

Stir in 6 ounces of being realistic. Life doesn’t operate under extremes. After a particularly bad night, you can’t just be like, “I’m never going out again. I’m staying at home and reading books about art.” That won’t work. You’ll just end up betraying yourself in a week and feeling even worse than when you started. Growing up is a subtle process. Growing up means balance. One day you’ll realize that you haven’t hurt your body or heart in awhile and be like that Blink 182 song and say, “WELL I GUESS THIS IS GROWING UP!”

Crush up 10 cubes of respect. Stop being such a little shit basically. Start to see your parents as flawed human beings and begin to feel bad about all of those years you were a churlish adolescent. Growing up means you have to see outside of yourself. No, you have to want to see outside of yourself. Realize that your viewpoint is limited and actively try to expand it. Empathize. Don’t reject things you don’t understand. Put yourself in someone else’s flats.

Sprinkle 10 hard decisions on top of the growing up casserole. Sometimes growing up means outgrowing some of your friends. It’s a hard fucking thing to realize that you have nothing in common with someone who used to be your everything. You want to go back to that time when it all made sense, when they made sense but you can’t. In the end, it’s usually a good thing. It’s a sign that you’re evolving and moving on to the next step. Growing up means giant grey areas. Friendships don’t go out with a bang. They slowly die. In a way, it’s much worse. The silence can be deafening.

Put your dish in the oven for 40 minutes. Spend that time mourning all of the bad decisions you made, all the friendships that died at the hands of time, and all of the things you must give up in order to love yourself about. Cry hard. Stop crying. Become hopeful and happy about the future. Say to yourself again (softly this time but with feeling), “Well I guess this is growing up.”

Take out of the oven and eat your fucking grown up casserole, you fucking grown up

By: Ryan O’Connell

Original Post: http://tcat.tc/ZTThnx