10 Things You Need To Change If You Want To Have A Radically Different Life 10 Years From Now

If you want to have a better day tomorrow, identify what brings you pleasure.

If you want to have a better year next year, identify what brings you pride.

If you want to have a better life in 10 years, identify what’s keeping you gridlocked in the habits you think bring you pleasure and pride.

1. Identify your root motivations.

If you dislike someone, yet can’t seem to stop hanging out with them, there is a reason. If you want to lose weight, yet feel the need to keep overeating, there is a reason. If you want a relationship badly, but can’t seem to put yourself out there and find someone, there is a reason.

The human psyche is self-preserving. Everything that we are doing we are doing because we think it is benefiting us in some way. If there’s some habit you can’t get past, or some reality that you desperately want to change, you first have to figure out why you are here in the first place. There is some core wound or belief or experience that is scaring you into repeating the behavior.

You are not a victim of your chronic problems, you are in love with your chronic problems because you think they serve you in some way, so you keep re-creating situations in which you can experience them. Figure out what need they are feeding, and learn to fill it another way.

2. Ignore your problems. Focus on their solutions.

“Ignore your problems” sounds at face value like potentially the worst advice in the world (and by the way, at face value, it is) but it’s also the only advice that will actually work in the long-term.

When you are constantly struggling with your problems, thinking about what you want and wish you had, you are repeatedly putting yourself back in the state of “not having.” If you want more money, you are making yourself feel as though you don’t have it. If you want a relationship, you are making yourself feel as though you’re unloved. What creates change is not the ability to dissect problems, but to create solutions and put all of your energy toward them.

Healing is just getting over your fears. Getting over your fears is acting in spite of them.

Change is rebuilding the city, not sitting in the ruins.

3. Stop consuming toxic crap.

You know that saying “you are what you eat?” It’s more like “you are what you consume,” and it goes so far beyond just what you’re putting in your mouth.

Everything you put around you is conditioning you. The people you spend time with, the things you read, the place you work, the habits you sustain, and yes, of course, what you eat and drink. You are molding yourself into the person you will become with each of these actions, every single day.

If your fate is your character, then your habits are your destiny.

Stop eating unhealthy foods and expecting to feel good. Stop sitting around your house scrolling on your phone and expecting to be productive and accomplished. Stop hanging out with negative, draining people and expecting to feel positive and fulfilled. Stop drinking yourself into an oblivion every weekend and wondering why you’re stuck in life. It’s not a mystery. Pretending it is keeps you in denial.

4. Stop waiting until you “feel like it.”

A lot of people will say that they feel like they need to “take some time and heal” before they get back out and start living their lives again. This is true if your intention is to take some time to yourself to reflect.

However, it is also a way that people avoid doing what they want and need to do. Do you know how you “heal” yourself? You start behaving differently. You start thinking differently. That is how you eradicate the life that you no longer want to live – by building a new one. Waiting around until you feel better is literally sitting in your leftover crap and wondering why it’s not getting cleaned up.

Stop waiting until every wound is healed before you get back up and start again. It is the doing that changes you, not idling.

5. Do tactile things.

Making sure you do tactile things isn’t a fun little suggestion for your Saturday afternoon, it’s how you make sure you’re differentiating actually creating a life you want and creating the image of a life you want. If you want a better life in 10 years, make sure you’re not just making one that looks good online. It needs to feel good IRL.

Make enough time each day to do something other than type and scroll. Read a book (a print copy). Go outside. Build or craft something. Cook. Do anything that requires you to experience a range of sensations. It’s not that any one of these things will magically transform you (though, of course, they can). It’s that staying connected to your real life keeps you aware of how things feel, not just how they look.

6. Stop being “busy.”

Busy is lazy. Busy means you don’t know how to manage your time. “Crazy busy” is the most boring and self-important thing you can say to people when they ask how you’re doing.

People either make themselves super busy, or pretend to be super busy, and they do both for the same reason: avoidance. They are either trying to avoid themselves, or avoid other people. Both are weak. Both lead to nothing.

Schedule your hours mindfully. Work better, but less. Leave hours open for people you care about. Leave hours open for yourself. Create a life that overwhelms you with peace, not mindless chatter. There is no merit in being “busy.” It says nothing about your status in life other than that you are worried you don’t have any.

7. Make daily decisions for your long-term goals, not short-term desires.

Most people live within a few hours long mental bandwidth. This is to say, they make choices based on their immediate desires, fears and ideas.

When you choose what you want for lunch, you think: “What am I in the mood for?” not “What will give me energy and make me feel good not only now, but in a few hours, and in a few days, and in a few years?” It is so easy for fleeting feelings to override logic, but we pay for it in the end. We assume we’ll “get healthy one day,” or “start saving one day,” and then one day comes and we realize that all of the little daily habits we have compiled have created the opposite of what we said we wanted.

We forget that “someday” is today, and the future is created right now.

8. Choose goals with your mortality in mind.

If you don’t know what to choose or what to do, zoom out of your current situation and imagine looking back at your life after you’re dead. Hell, imagine looking at your life even just 10 years from now. What would you wish you had done today? Would you be happy that you wasted so many hours shopping for clothes, watching TV, wondering what you should do with your life? Will you be happy that your greatest accomplishment was your appearance, or being someone who intimidates others?

Or will you wish that you had let go and done something meaningful – something you felt called to? Will you be happy that you wrote music, that you spent time outdoors, that you told the people you love that you love them, that you had long, lingering meals with them, and supported them, and shared, and looked at your demons and dissolved them by choosing otherwise?

9. Stop wasting your time evaluating the lives of people you dislike or disagree with.

Okay, we get it. You don’t understand why so-and-so did what they did. You disagree with their behavior. You would have done better. You did do better. You won’t show them empathy. You dislike them as a whole.

… And?

You are also subject to naive realism, which is that reality is self-evident to you based on your own perspective and experience. You don’t see the full picture because you can’t. You don’t know that had you been in someone else’s exact situation you wouldn’t have behaved similarly. In fact, your disdain toward them seems to imply that you feel afraid that you could, and maybe would have.

But all you have done here is illustrate the depth of your ego. All you have done here is make judgements about people’s lives that do not serve you or move you forward, they just make you a hater. And people do this all of the time. Gossip is a sustaining social life force a lot of the time.

Focus more on studying the lives of people you admire and want to emulate – lives that humble you – rather than lives that inflate your worst traits and make you want to position yourself to play god and tell someone (who isn’t that person) what’s right from wrong.

10. Wake up and ask yourself every day: “What can I do today that will change my life forever?”

Every single day, you have the potential to change your life forever.

Every day is an opportunity, a portal, to do something that will have an irrevocable impact on your life.

So many of us waste that on doing something that pacifies fear.

Ask yourself this every day, and then start making a list of what you could possibly do in the coming hours that would change everything, always. The answers will surprise you.

By : Brianna Weist

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18 (Real) Rules For Living

by Rupert Aquino

1. Greatness only comes from great risks or great work.

Failing after taking a risk is nothing to regret doing. You should have pride in the fact that you were strong enough and believed in something enough to risk so much. It not working out is seldom more than just the reality of what is best for you in the long run. Likewise, hardly anything great will just fall into your lap. Waiting for an opportunity will most likely not yield for you many of them. You must seek.

2. All living things and beings deserve love, respect and reverence, even when you feel compelled to withhold it.

I mean all living things– animals, the earth, your enemies. Just as you are worthy, as are they. It can sometimes be tricky to not value ourselves as greater than another and then subsequently act on that, but it’s nothing that some mindfulness can’t fix.

3. You must be aware of your actions as they affect other people.

You do have the right to do as you please, until it affects somebody else. Because then it is no longer just your life that you are controlling. We are interconnected in ways that are invisible and striking once uncovered, and it’s crucial to remember that even the small, seemingly insignificant things we do to others can have a great impact on them. One of the greatest principles of being alive is learn to be kind to others.

4. Learning to apologize is good. Learning to apologize when an apology is due is what really matters.

To pretend that we are flawless and just ignore our mistakes will be debilitating and crippling, especially in relationships. However, apologizing only for the sake of doing so is not the same as apologizing when you have genuinely done wrong. There is something that really softens people when you admit that you are wrong: they release their defenses, and realize that you are, in some ways, holding up the white flag of truce.

5. One of the most important things you will do is learn to be alone with yourself… happily.

You are all that you have. People can be terrified of doing things alone, but it’s important to get over that hurdle because nothing is certain in life and nobody is bound to you but yourself. You may argue that family, spouses, friends are, but as has been proven time and time again, that just isn’t so.

6. The only thing you can be sure of in the future is change.

We really must move past our hangups with being attached to what is. It is a recipe for suffering. There are few things I can guarantee that will happen in your life other than the fact that things will change: rapidly, unexpectedly, beautifully, tragically and slowly. Sometimes bit by bit, sometimes all at once. There is no use in doing anything but embracing this.

7. Family is optional and not necessarily nuclear.

Sure you’re biologically related to some people, but really, the “family” that matters are the people you love and choose to surround yourself with everyday. By traditional definition, family is a group consisting of parents and children living together, but I would vouch to disagree with that. You need not have children to have a family. What you do need, however, is a group of people, regardless of how big or small, who love, support, nurture, cherish and care for one another unconditionally.

8. Nothing is real but right now.

The past is obsolete and the future is pending. You may attach yourself to these concepts, they are just figments of your imagination. It is a false comfort you get from them. Learn to be comforted and even astounded at what you have right now, and how beautiful it is.

9. You have not failed until you stop trying.

You are not a failure because things haven’t worked out yet. You are a failure when you decide you’re not going to try to work on them anymore. You can spend years and years resolving or working toward something, and the day that your work pays off, you have succeeded. Until then, you’re still working on it.

10. You need the yin and yang.

Nothing would be beautiful if you didn’t know the opposite. You wouldn’t know it was daytime if it never became night. You wouldn’t know what you have unless you did not at one point. Simply put, you would not enjoy life unless you didn’t enjoy it. Live each of these phases completely, they are equally important. They are the yin and yang of your existence, and if you ask me, the only thing worth doing is being present in your existence.

11. “An ounce of appearance is equal to a pound of substance.”

People are more dynamic than the concepts we use to categorize them by. What they appear to be externally, no matter how much we like to stereotype, says next to nothing about who they are as people.

12. Imperfect is an idea that only we have devised. Everything and everybody just is. We have just made up what is right and wrong about ourselves and others.

It’s only bad if you make it bad, you are only wrong when somebody tells you or you are otherwise led to believe so. Otherwise, you would carry on without considering it. The truth of the matter is that the extent at which people judge themselves and others is largely rooted in what they have been taught. Not necessarily what is true or isn’t.

13. If you want change, change.

Complaining will not change anything. Thinking that you want change won’t do it either. You have to be ready to ease out of your comfort zone a bit. You will live the same life and face the same problems and woes until you do something about it/them.

14. No one owes you anything.

Not your parents, not your lover, not those who have wronged you. Not the government, not life in general. Although we all deserve the best, it is not necessarily anybody else’s responsibility to ensure that it happens.

15. Long term purpose and short term goals.

I’ve spoken about this before, and I must reiterate, that we’re are always in an equilibrium between what we want now and what will be best for the long-term. You need to have a bigger vision, but know that the way to get there is through the little things that add up.

16. Happiness will largely depend on your ability to stay interested and engaged.

This obviously excludes cases such as mental illness. Happiness is not a perpetual state of sustaining joy. If that were the case, there would be nothing stimulating about joyousness. It is just always having something new to delight and fascinate yourself with and by.

17. It is okay to not be okay.

Resisting being okay is actually what will affect you more than what you are resisting will. Let yourself be who you are. Let yourself feel what you feel. Be okay with not being okay. Once you can accept even the unfortunate things your life becomes a succession of experiences rather than just a series of fortunate and unfortunate events.

18. Happy people are not the ones who have it all and do not suffer.

Happy people are not, and never will be, the ones who don’t face challenges or suffer or become depressed or have dealt with serious trauma in their lives. They are the ones who know how terrible things can be, so they appreciate every little thing for what it is.

by Brianna Weist

To My Fellow Millennials: You Will Be Okay

I get it. It’s awful to wake up every day not knowing exactly what you want to do for the next five years, who you really want to be, or how you even get to that successful place to begin with. It’s awful when nothing makes sense, no matter how hard you try your best to make life work. It’s awful that some days you’re lost and confused about which road to take, frustrated at how far off in the distance your dreams are, and even upset that sometimes it takes you forever to make things right.

But trust that soon you will find the way to the road you’re meant to adventure on, soon your life will eventually brighten up, and soon everything will fall according to your plan.

For the meantime, keep holding on and have patience. Because even though sometimes you don’t see the point in waiting for your life to get better, and even though you’re so tired of wishing for something great to occur in your life, one day you will be okay.

One day you will have that smile back, and your heart will be content with where you are and what you have. One day your life will be filled with so many meaningful tasks to accomplish that you no longer have time to dwell on your destructive feelings.

One day you will be mature enough to understand and trust the idea of right timing.

One day you will find a job that you love—a job that will not feel like a task, but rather more of a passion, a job that will open more doors for you. And maybe it will give you opportunities to travel to different cities around the world, meet incredible new people, and learn more about yourself.

One day you will have the power to achieve whatever dreams are living in the corners of your mind, make them your reality, and never dare to let them go.

One day you will be hungry for success and you will always make sure that you work hard day and night, regardless of how many scars you get along the way and regardless of how many times you fall on the ground.

One day you will gain the confidence that allows you to believe that you can do everything your heart desires and that you can succeed in all that you put your mind into.

One day you will finally believe in yourself.

It will be a long and sometimes painful journey, but you have to be brave and brace yourself against any monsters that will scare you as you move forward.

One day you will know that heartbreak is temporary. You will carry on after the tragedies of losing love ones who passed away, people who ran away from you at an early age, and friends you grew apart with.

One day you will forget all your relationship mishaps. And even though there will be moments in the future when you are reminded of all your wrong decisions and every mistake you made in searching for the right one, they will not matter to you anymore. Because by then, your life will be so beautiful and so different. And your past will become tiny and irrelevant.

One day you will realize that chasing people who are not meant to stay in your life will only eat the time that you should rather be spending in making your future shine brighter.

So quit worrying too much and just relax.
Quit crying your way through the day and try to toughen up a little bit.
Quit seeking security in someone else and go save yourself.
Quit being scared to take risks and make bold choices.
Quit looking back and instead focus your attention on what’s to come.

Because one day you will be okay. One day you will make it through and you will overcome your struggles. You will give not give up and you will live to see your future. Your brokenness will be washed away and you will heal. Your dreams will come true and you will be surprised at how far you have journeyed. You are very young and you have thousands of days in front of you to experience — you will be alright.

By: Angelo Caerlang