This Is How You Accept Yourself

This is the third argument you’ve had with someone and once again, your glaring, ugly, terrible flaws come to the forefront. You’re working on your term paper and you cannot help but notice how much you are not focussing on your work and how the paper is not nearly as good as your classmates. You are trying your best to be a good child to your parents and somehow you can only see how you are not coming through at times you feel they need you the most.

Somehow, your flaws no matter how hard you fight them, always seem to win. Somehow, no matter what you do, you always end up suffering because of them.

The sad truth is, as a human, by and large, you will be made of flaws. It’s the thing that makes you different. And I know you think that having so many flaws means that you are less or inadequate in the world, but the truth is, you are not. You are a broken but beautiful thing. We all are in some way or the other, no matter our facade, or our smiles or our happy faces, we are all dealing with an extremely difficult situation on the inside. It’s why mental health has become so important these days, because we live in a world that forces perfection on beings that will never ever be perfect. So here it is, my dear, here is how you will accept yourself.

You will accept yourself by allowing yourself to breathe in the moments you feel like you are falling apart. You will accept yourself by not beating yourself up when you do something wrong, instead look to what you can do to fix it. You will accept yourself by feeding yourself self love when rejection has struck you the hardest. You will accept yourself most of all on the nights when you feel like you are drowning, and drag yourself out once again, save yourself from sinking once again. You will accept yourself on the days you do not want to get out of bed but do anyway.

There will be moments in your life where you are perfectly happy with who you are as a human being. We all have them. This is why it is important to imprint those memories and recreate and repeat them as much as possible. On the days when the world is most overwhelming, when your flaws feel extreme, when you feel your existence is pointless, this is when you accept yourself most of all. Accept who you are. A thing of both joy and beauty. Accept yourself for the smiles you bring to the people you love because believe me, you have made them smile more often than you know. Accept yourself for the person who makes you the last thought they think of before they sleep. You have affected others more positively than you can ever fathom. You have touched more lives than you know. And that far outweighs any flaw you have, any flaw you will ever know.

By : Nikita Gill

Try To Forget The Pain And Focus On The Lessons

Forget the heartbreak, focus on the wisdom you gained from it. The strength it gave you. The people it made you appreciate. The truth it uncovered. Focus on your heart and how it’s still brave, how it’s still willing to love and give even after it’s been broken. Focus on your hope and your willingness to try again no matter how many times you’ve failed.

Forget the failure, focus on the new opportunities it unfolded. The new doors that opened, the new talents you had to discover to find another way to live, the new mentality you had to adopt to survive. How you learned to believe in yourself again, how you learned to stand tall in front of those who belittled you and how you found where you truly belong or where you think you belong because of your mistakes or your failures. Often, the wrong decisions lead us to the right ones.

Forget the rejection, focus on the redirection. The better plans God had for you, the supportive people God brought into your life. The faith you now have in the universe that helps you let go of things that are not meant for you, the faith that helps you move on from the past and the faith that helps you let things be instead of forcing them to happen or trying to control everything in your life.

Forget the losses, focus on the substantial things you won. Maybe you found yourself, maybe you found your calling, maybe you realized you’re a lot more powerful than you think. Maybe you stopped being so obsessed with winning and started focusing on the journey. Maybe losing things taught you that nothing really lasts in life. Everything is temporary, including pain. Pain is temporary too.

But sometimes the beauty of life is only palpable after experiencing pain. Sometimes it takes pain to make us appreciate life, appreciate the good things we have and appreciate ourselves.

Pain is inevitable, we can never run away from it for too long but we can always take what it taught us and leave the hurt behind. We can take the lessons and forget the losses.

By : Rania Naim

When Silence Becomes Muteness: How Coping Mechanisms Can Accidentally Make Us Less Human

Life challenges us from every direction, and often leaves insufficient adjustment time space between any two respective problems. We are left to ourselves to find solutions to multiple problems at the same time.  With that in mind, consider how little we are taught about life and being human, so we create coping mechanisms as we go along. This coping mechanisms affect us, what follows are some of the ways we are affected.

If you are silent about your problems, you may learn resilience, but if you are silent too long, your silence becomes muteness, you may lose your capacity to speak about your problems, and  with that your ability to speak about good things as well, about how you felt alive after a certain experience or how love is a miracle.

If you close your eyes from your problems, you may learn gratitude, but if you close your eyes too long, closed eyes become blindness, you may lose your capacity to see your problems, and with that your ability to see the beauty and wonders of life.

If you cover your ears from your problems, you may learn positivity, but if you close your ears too long, covered ears become deafness, you may lose your ability to hear your problems and their negativity, and with that your general ability to hear all the great music, inspiring poems and stories of hope. Yes you may hear them with your ears but your human element won’t hear a thing.

If you cover your skin from your problems, you may learn warmth, but if you cover your skin too long, you may lose your ability to feel your problems, and with that your general ability to feel the care, support and love from others.

If you sleep to avoid your problems, you may get respite from them, but if you sleep too long, you may be less conscious of your problems, and become less alive as well, find yourself reduced to a breathing animal with no mental life.

If you build a wall to keep your problems out, you may get freedom, but if you stay behind walls too long, you may lose your ability to move freely because walls are restrictive, and walls keep both the good and the bad out and you will be empty and alone.

Sometimes silence becomes muteness, looking away blindness, not listening deafness, anything taken to the extreme becomes a disorder or disability.

Sometimes our coping mechanisms make us less and less human, chopping off human attributes bit by bit. While I don’t know much about best ways to cope or how to live life, I know that we should at least review our coping mechanism lest they be chopping mechanisms that chop our lives to pieces.

By : Lawrance Khotso

10 Things That Will Change How You Handle Your Quarter Life Crisis

1. At one point or another, we’re all treading water. We’d rather exhaust ourselves to death than sink. But what’s funny about that fear is that after you sink, you naturally float to the surface again. And that’s what happens with the things that we are most affected by, the things that haunt us for the longest time.

2. There is not as much mystery in life as we like to think. We often predict things long before they happen, and pieces of who we will become are always showing themselves to us. Feeling lost is only a matter of not looking around. We’re never too far gone, no matter how much it may seem that way.

3. Pain does not last very long at all– no matter how profound an event is in your life. It is the implications that we assume the event will create that affect us more than anything. We must learn to disassociate the different parts of our lives for the sake of understanding that when one fails, we have not failed completely.

4. You will become who you are after you have been lost and recovered time and time again– you will turn up without pieces that needed to be shredded and with new discoveries that will give you a stepping stone to move forward on.

5. Sometimes the most beautiful thing that can happen to us is completely and utterly losing it. Dropping everything we once knew and rediscovering it all again. Losing the person, job, experience we thought would make us happier than anything. There is something far better that you are supposed to find– that truth never fails.

6. Nobody is going to save you. That is something only you can do for yourself. You can wait for another love, another job, another whatever to come along and ease the burden but if and when that falls through as well, you’ll be hurt even worse. Learn to hold your own hand. Be your own best friend. Learn how to make yourself happy.

7. If something moves you very deeply, be grateful… no matter which way it affects you. Nobody ever promised that life would be painless and easy, because it won’t be. Having something that has affected you so much is infinitely better than being in an abyss of nothingness.

8. Everybody is experiencing what you are at some level, for some reason, in some way.

9. Things are not innately positive and negative– those are values we assign to them. Learn to reassign, and you’ll watch your entire life change.

10. Many things will seem unfair until we’re far enough away from them to see just how much the universe was working in our favor. Learn to have a little faith in the power of what surrounds you. I promise you, there are far better things waiting for you than the ones you’re suffering to let go of. Just find the few minutes of courage it takes to swim past the shallow end.

By : Brianna Weist

18 (Real) Rules For Living

by Rupert Aquino

1. Greatness only comes from great risks or great work.

Failing after taking a risk is nothing to regret doing. You should have pride in the fact that you were strong enough and believed in something enough to risk so much. It not working out is seldom more than just the reality of what is best for you in the long run. Likewise, hardly anything great will just fall into your lap. Waiting for an opportunity will most likely not yield for you many of them. You must seek.

2. All living things and beings deserve love, respect and reverence, even when you feel compelled to withhold it.

I mean all living things– animals, the earth, your enemies. Just as you are worthy, as are they. It can sometimes be tricky to not value ourselves as greater than another and then subsequently act on that, but it’s nothing that some mindfulness can’t fix.

3. You must be aware of your actions as they affect other people.

You do have the right to do as you please, until it affects somebody else. Because then it is no longer just your life that you are controlling. We are interconnected in ways that are invisible and striking once uncovered, and it’s crucial to remember that even the small, seemingly insignificant things we do to others can have a great impact on them. One of the greatest principles of being alive is learn to be kind to others.

4. Learning to apologize is good. Learning to apologize when an apology is due is what really matters.

To pretend that we are flawless and just ignore our mistakes will be debilitating and crippling, especially in relationships. However, apologizing only for the sake of doing so is not the same as apologizing when you have genuinely done wrong. There is something that really softens people when you admit that you are wrong: they release their defenses, and realize that you are, in some ways, holding up the white flag of truce.

5. One of the most important things you will do is learn to be alone with yourself… happily.

You are all that you have. People can be terrified of doing things alone, but it’s important to get over that hurdle because nothing is certain in life and nobody is bound to you but yourself. You may argue that family, spouses, friends are, but as has been proven time and time again, that just isn’t so.

6. The only thing you can be sure of in the future is change.

We really must move past our hangups with being attached to what is. It is a recipe for suffering. There are few things I can guarantee that will happen in your life other than the fact that things will change: rapidly, unexpectedly, beautifully, tragically and slowly. Sometimes bit by bit, sometimes all at once. There is no use in doing anything but embracing this.

7. Family is optional and not necessarily nuclear.

Sure you’re biologically related to some people, but really, the “family” that matters are the people you love and choose to surround yourself with everyday. By traditional definition, family is a group consisting of parents and children living together, but I would vouch to disagree with that. You need not have children to have a family. What you do need, however, is a group of people, regardless of how big or small, who love, support, nurture, cherish and care for one another unconditionally.

8. Nothing is real but right now.

The past is obsolete and the future is pending. You may attach yourself to these concepts, they are just figments of your imagination. It is a false comfort you get from them. Learn to be comforted and even astounded at what you have right now, and how beautiful it is.

9. You have not failed until you stop trying.

You are not a failure because things haven’t worked out yet. You are a failure when you decide you’re not going to try to work on them anymore. You can spend years and years resolving or working toward something, and the day that your work pays off, you have succeeded. Until then, you’re still working on it.

10. You need the yin and yang.

Nothing would be beautiful if you didn’t know the opposite. You wouldn’t know it was daytime if it never became night. You wouldn’t know what you have unless you did not at one point. Simply put, you would not enjoy life unless you didn’t enjoy it. Live each of these phases completely, they are equally important. They are the yin and yang of your existence, and if you ask me, the only thing worth doing is being present in your existence.

11. “An ounce of appearance is equal to a pound of substance.”

People are more dynamic than the concepts we use to categorize them by. What they appear to be externally, no matter how much we like to stereotype, says next to nothing about who they are as people.

12. Imperfect is an idea that only we have devised. Everything and everybody just is. We have just made up what is right and wrong about ourselves and others.

It’s only bad if you make it bad, you are only wrong when somebody tells you or you are otherwise led to believe so. Otherwise, you would carry on without considering it. The truth of the matter is that the extent at which people judge themselves and others is largely rooted in what they have been taught. Not necessarily what is true or isn’t.

13. If you want change, change.

Complaining will not change anything. Thinking that you want change won’t do it either. You have to be ready to ease out of your comfort zone a bit. You will live the same life and face the same problems and woes until you do something about it/them.

14. No one owes you anything.

Not your parents, not your lover, not those who have wronged you. Not the government, not life in general. Although we all deserve the best, it is not necessarily anybody else’s responsibility to ensure that it happens.

15. Long term purpose and short term goals.

I’ve spoken about this before, and I must reiterate, that we’re are always in an equilibrium between what we want now and what will be best for the long-term. You need to have a bigger vision, but know that the way to get there is through the little things that add up.

16. Happiness will largely depend on your ability to stay interested and engaged.

This obviously excludes cases such as mental illness. Happiness is not a perpetual state of sustaining joy. If that were the case, there would be nothing stimulating about joyousness. It is just always having something new to delight and fascinate yourself with and by.

17. It is okay to not be okay.

Resisting being okay is actually what will affect you more than what you are resisting will. Let yourself be who you are. Let yourself feel what you feel. Be okay with not being okay. Once you can accept even the unfortunate things your life becomes a succession of experiences rather than just a series of fortunate and unfortunate events.

18. Happy people are not the ones who have it all and do not suffer.

Happy people are not, and never will be, the ones who don’t face challenges or suffer or become depressed or have dealt with serious trauma in their lives. They are the ones who know how terrible things can be, so they appreciate every little thing for what it is.

by Brianna Weist

26 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn About Life

1. It’s okay to be wrong. Sometimes, you cannot avoid making mistakes, having bad choices. Those are what spice your life up, and make it feel so much more amazing to be alive. Learn how to accept defeat.

2. Learn from mistakes. If you end up doing the same thing, learn from it the second time around, until it becomes ingrained in you. Learn from them, and be a better person because of them.

3. Do what you love to do. If you’re still stuck with the day job you loathe, this is the time you quit it and do whatever makes you happy. Find something that makes your heart burn with passion, and makes you want to get up in the morning, ready to seize the day.

4. Stop giving fucks. Give yourself a break. If you’ve always lived your life according to how society tells you to live it, now is the time to stop caring about what other people think. What YOU think is what matters the most.

5. Be in the present. Stop taking selfies, for crying out loud. Enjoy the sunset, savor your food, try to enjoy the moment as it is right now.

6. Stop rushing. Don’t just keep stuffing your face with food, chew it. You agreed on a day with the family, but you’re on your phone 90% of the time. Put that thing down, and learn how to enjoy the moment. Laugh at people’s jokes, listen to people’s stories. You can never bring time back, just relax and take it easy.

7. You can’t stay mad forever. At this point, you have to learn how to forgive. The person you had a fight with years ago probably already forgot all about it, and you have to learn how to do that as well. You cannot live with a heavy heart for the rest of your life. Forgive people, forgive yourself.

8. Learn to say no. You never have to prove anything to anyone. You’re done with trying to be cool and going with the cool kids just so you’re one with the crowd. If you want to stay home in your pj’s and binge-watch new Netflix series, then learn how to say no to the crazy kids inviting you out for beer pong. You deserve it.

9. Learn to say yes. You don’t have to deprive yourself of all the fun for the rest of your life just because you’re 4 years away from being 30. Learn how to say yes to friends whenever you know you deserve a break from all the stress. This, you also deserve.

10. Change is a good thing. You have to learn to stop fearing change. Change is everywhere, and that’s a good thing. You don’t have to panic about everything that is changing in your life. Just go with it.

11. Be honest to yourself. The only person who knows who you really are and what you can be is yourself. Learn how to accept who you are, and know that you are wonderful, no matter what your flaws are.

12. You cannot control other people. You have to learn how to stop telling people how they should live their lives. You can suggest or just tell them how you feel, but you cannot ever ask them to stop doing what they want to do.

13. Always put yourself first. It’s okay to think about the people you love sometimes, but remember to always put yourself first. Your family is important, your work, your friends, they are all very important, but it is you who will live your life until the very end, and not anybody else. Find it in your heart to put yourself above anything else, because you are important too.

14. Use your words wisely. Maybe you’re simply just not aware of it yet, but your words are very powerful. They can either make or break people. You’ll never know whose feelings you’d be hurting if you choose the wrong words.  So remember to think before you speak (or write).

15. Waiting is okay. Some things don’t just happen instantly. Sometimes, you have to be patient, and things will fall into place at the perfect time.

16. You cannot please everybody. This is something you might have learned years ago, but you have to keep it in mind. Not everyone will think you’re as amazing as you truly are. Some people will want to bring you down, simply because they are not blown away by your thoughts and ideas. Some people will want to be out of your life in a jiffy, because they feel that you are not worthy of their time. And they are never worth your time either.

17. Be open to growth. The moment you learn that your flaws make you who you are today, is the moment you learn that you are still growing, every single day. Learn how to embrace your insecurities.

18. Make the most of life now. Stop being scared of failing in whatever it is you want to accomplish. The point of doing things now is not how it ends up, but what you learn in the process.

19. It’s never too late. You can still do what you’ve always wanted to do in life. It’s not too late to be as adventurous as you’ve always wished you could be. Travel far and wide, go see the places you’ve only seen in your dreams, leave your comfort zone and live your life to the fullest.

20. Smile. No matter what you’re going through, smile at people, smile every single day and life will smile back at you.

21. Be kind. You don’t know what everyone else is going through. It wouldn’t hurt if you learn to be kind to everyone you meet and see every day.

22. Believe in miracles. They are everywhere.

23. You will lose people along the way. These people are not meant to be in your life forever. Some were there just to give you a certain lesson that you can keep with you for the rest of your life, some will just make you realize that you deserve so much better and that you need to let them go if they are not meant to stay in your life.

24. It’s going to hurt. And it’s going to hurt a lot. You will have to accept and face this hurt, because this will make you even stronger than you are. Sometimes, things will hurt as you get better, and that’s what makes it so much worth it in the end.

25. But you’re going to be okay. Because you have gone through twenty-five years of your life without ever giving up. You’ll do great things. You’ll meet wonderful people along the way. You’ll see beautiful places and make new mistakes. You’ll be okay.

26. Nobody has life figured out. So what if you’re stuck with a job you hate, or you recently just quit your job and you don’t know what to do next? So what if you feel like you’re alone and you don’t know what your purpose in life is anymore? Nobody has life figured out. Everybody is scared. Everybody feels alone. Everybody doesn’t know what to do next or what their purpose in life is. You have to stop worrying and just go with it. Life is beautiful and so are you.

BY Mary Elizabeth Francisco

To My Fellow Millennials: You Will Be Okay

I get it. It’s awful to wake up every day not knowing exactly what you want to do for the next five years, who you really want to be, or how you even get to that successful place to begin with. It’s awful when nothing makes sense, no matter how hard you try your best to make life work. It’s awful that some days you’re lost and confused about which road to take, frustrated at how far off in the distance your dreams are, and even upset that sometimes it takes you forever to make things right.

But trust that soon you will find the way to the road you’re meant to adventure on, soon your life will eventually brighten up, and soon everything will fall according to your plan.

For the meantime, keep holding on and have patience. Because even though sometimes you don’t see the point in waiting for your life to get better, and even though you’re so tired of wishing for something great to occur in your life, one day you will be okay.

One day you will have that smile back, and your heart will be content with where you are and what you have. One day your life will be filled with so many meaningful tasks to accomplish that you no longer have time to dwell on your destructive feelings.

One day you will be mature enough to understand and trust the idea of right timing.

One day you will find a job that you love—a job that will not feel like a task, but rather more of a passion, a job that will open more doors for you. And maybe it will give you opportunities to travel to different cities around the world, meet incredible new people, and learn more about yourself.

One day you will have the power to achieve whatever dreams are living in the corners of your mind, make them your reality, and never dare to let them go.

One day you will be hungry for success and you will always make sure that you work hard day and night, regardless of how many scars you get along the way and regardless of how many times you fall on the ground.

One day you will gain the confidence that allows you to believe that you can do everything your heart desires and that you can succeed in all that you put your mind into.

One day you will finally believe in yourself.

It will be a long and sometimes painful journey, but you have to be brave and brace yourself against any monsters that will scare you as you move forward.

One day you will know that heartbreak is temporary. You will carry on after the tragedies of losing love ones who passed away, people who ran away from you at an early age, and friends you grew apart with.

One day you will forget all your relationship mishaps. And even though there will be moments in the future when you are reminded of all your wrong decisions and every mistake you made in searching for the right one, they will not matter to you anymore. Because by then, your life will be so beautiful and so different. And your past will become tiny and irrelevant.

One day you will realize that chasing people who are not meant to stay in your life will only eat the time that you should rather be spending in making your future shine brighter.

So quit worrying too much and just relax.
Quit crying your way through the day and try to toughen up a little bit.
Quit seeking security in someone else and go save yourself.
Quit being scared to take risks and make bold choices.
Quit looking back and instead focus your attention on what’s to come.

Because one day you will be okay. One day you will make it through and you will overcome your struggles. You will give not give up and you will live to see your future. Your brokenness will be washed away and you will heal. Your dreams will come true and you will be surprised at how far you have journeyed. You are very young and you have thousands of days in front of you to experience — you will be alright.

By: Angelo Caerlang