Forgiving yourself means that you need to focus on your present moment instead of mourning the sad things from your past life.

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Dear You, Your Past Does Not Define You

Repeat this until you believe it:

Your past does not define you.

Your past may have clawed their way into your bones, filling you with fear and anger. You may have become someone unrecognizable, all because of someone who took your beautiful innocence away and destroyed you.

You may have nights with an eternal cycle of agony because your mind kept reliving that moment you decided that you didn’t belong to this world. You may have wanted to punish yourself for giving up on yourself, treating yourself so badly as if it was your fault.

Don’t.

Don’t you dare hurt yourself. None of what happened to you was your fault.
You are not naïve for believing in false promises when all you really did was crave for a love that was real.

You are not weak for not being able to see past every lie that was ever told to you.

You are not vulnerable for being someone who just loved everything and everyone with everything that you’ve had.

How could it be your fault when all you really wanted was to fit in with the rest of the world?

You are not your past.

You have the ability to get back up and fight the world. You have chosen to be someone of a genuine and compassionate heart, even if you had every reason to despise the world.

The world treated you in such a destructive way when all you wanted was to love and be loved in return. The world opened your eyes to a new reality that people have the ability to ruin who you are and make it seem as if it was your fault.

To you, whoever is reading this, I am truly sorry that you had to go through this alone. I am truly sorry for all the times when life didn’t treat you right. I am truly sorry for all the times you thought nobody was worth trusting anymore.

I am truly sorry for the great amount of pain you had to endure, for all the fake smiles and all the reassuring words you had to say to both yourself and to everyone else.

I am truly sorry for all those moments you wanted to break down and fall apart, but you had to be strong, so all you did was take a deep breathe and smile.

I am truly sorry for the feeling of loneliness you have felt for most of your life, for feeling the need to always have your guard up because you’d rather push everyone away than trust the wrong person again.

But you don’t deserve this.

You know what you deserve?

You deserve all the love that you’ve been giving to everyone else. You deserve the kind of life you have always dreamed of having.

You deserve to smile a genuine smile, the kind of smile that you could see stars shining in your eyes because you couldn’t be any happier.

You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and believe in yourself, believe that you are capable of doing so much more than you ever imagined.

You deserve to trust people again and to let down your walls because not everyone is going to betray your trust.

Lastly, you deserve to finally let go of your dark past and be brave enough to move forward in your life.

You deserve the world for being strong enough to handle the hell of what you have been through and for that, I am so proud of you.

By : Dorothy Field

Asking For What You Really Want

People like to talk a lot about what’s “toxic” in their lives, and how they can, and should, expunge it.

Cleaning fluids, processed meats, people.

The only thing that can be toxic in your life is complacency. You are the one consuming, choosing and returning to these things. Nobody is holding a gun to your head. You are a slave to your most carnal desire: comfort.

But we choose things we don’t want on auto-pilot when there are no better options. We do this when we are too afraid to ask for what we really want.

When we see no more worthwhile options, we stagnate.

Maybe the problem with your life isn’t that the universe won’t comply with your needs and desires, maybe it isn’t that your fear is so overwhelming that you are immobilized, maybe it isn’t that roadblocks keep appearing just as you try to accelerate. Maybe the root of the problem is that you aren’t asking for what you want, and you’re being absolutely sidelined when the world doesn’t give it to you.

Maybe what you want is more financial stability, yet you’re not asking for more work, or a side gig, or a new job. Maybe what you want is for your partner to love you in some really specific way and you’re not telling them what it is. Maybe your anxiety is actually a signal that is asking you to meet a super basic need, and you won’t communicate it to yourself.

You would be floored by how often you can get what you want just by asking for it.

Not demanding it. Not guilting someone for it. Not pressuring, shaming, or convincing them.

Just asking.

Politely, with sincerity.

I’ve never seen someone commit to a relationship because their potential partner was rattling off a list of reasons why they “should” be together. I’ve never seen someone advance before their peers at work because they had a cold shoulder and bad attitude. I’ve never seen someone do a friend a professional favor by stating why not doing it would be completely unfair.

You know what I have seen work?

Asking your partner to commit, without having to justify why. Asking for a raise, with a spreadsheet of evidence as to why it’s deserved. Applying for a new job, and stating qualifications with ease. Asking for a favor and saying, “Thank you, I know you must be busy, I appreciate this.”

Going to yoga classes every day because your anxiety is asking for it. Eating better because the fogginess that is overcoming you everyday at 3 p.m. is asking for it.

The discrepancy between what you want and what you’re choosing can be dizzyingly wide if we never stop to really think about it.

It’s easier not to write down your desires, because then not having them doesn’t seem like such an epic failure. It’s easier to pretend that we want the bare minimum, so that we always feel accomplished and secure.

But you can’t fool yourself forever.

The easy way doesn’t work. You can only underachieve your way into so much before the discomfort boiling inside of you begs you to acknowledge that you are capable of so, so much more.

When it comes to asking for what you want, you really only have one choice. You do it, or live forever with the subtle nagging of a life half lived. The easy way out is a temporary distraction from the one path that you’ve been calling yourself to all along.

By : Brianna Weist

Everything is hard, but you choose your hard. You don’t choose whether or not you’ll suffer, but you do choose what you want to suffer for.

By : Brianna Weist,  101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think

This Is How You Accept Yourself

This is the third argument you’ve had with someone and once again, your glaring, ugly, terrible flaws come to the forefront. You’re working on your term paper and you cannot help but notice how much you are not focussing on your work and how the paper is not nearly as good as your classmates. You are trying your best to be a good child to your parents and somehow you can only see how you are not coming through at times you feel they need you the most.

Somehow, your flaws no matter how hard you fight them, always seem to win. Somehow, no matter what you do, you always end up suffering because of them.

The sad truth is, as a human, by and large, you will be made of flaws. It’s the thing that makes you different. And I know you think that having so many flaws means that you are less or inadequate in the world, but the truth is, you are not. You are a broken but beautiful thing. We all are in some way or the other, no matter our facade, or our smiles or our happy faces, we are all dealing with an extremely difficult situation on the inside. It’s why mental health has become so important these days, because we live in a world that forces perfection on beings that will never ever be perfect. So here it is, my dear, here is how you will accept yourself.

You will accept yourself by allowing yourself to breathe in the moments you feel like you are falling apart. You will accept yourself by not beating yourself up when you do something wrong, instead look to what you can do to fix it. You will accept yourself by feeding yourself self love when rejection has struck you the hardest. You will accept yourself most of all on the nights when you feel like you are drowning, and drag yourself out once again, save yourself from sinking once again. You will accept yourself on the days you do not want to get out of bed but do anyway.

There will be moments in your life where you are perfectly happy with who you are as a human being. We all have them. This is why it is important to imprint those memories and recreate and repeat them as much as possible. On the days when the world is most overwhelming, when your flaws feel extreme, when you feel your existence is pointless, this is when you accept yourself most of all. Accept who you are. A thing of both joy and beauty. Accept yourself for the smiles you bring to the people you love because believe me, you have made them smile more often than you know. Accept yourself for the person who makes you the last thought they think of before they sleep. You have affected others more positively than you can ever fathom. You have touched more lives than you know. And that far outweighs any flaw you have, any flaw you will ever know.

By : Nikita Gill

Try To Forget The Pain And Focus On The Lessons

Forget the heartbreak, focus on the wisdom you gained from it. The strength it gave you. The people it made you appreciate. The truth it uncovered. Focus on your heart and how it’s still brave, how it’s still willing to love and give even after it’s been broken. Focus on your hope and your willingness to try again no matter how many times you’ve failed.

Forget the failure, focus on the new opportunities it unfolded. The new doors that opened, the new talents you had to discover to find another way to live, the new mentality you had to adopt to survive. How you learned to believe in yourself again, how you learned to stand tall in front of those who belittled you and how you found where you truly belong or where you think you belong because of your mistakes or your failures. Often, the wrong decisions lead us to the right ones.

Forget the rejection, focus on the redirection. The better plans God had for you, the supportive people God brought into your life. The faith you now have in the universe that helps you let go of things that are not meant for you, the faith that helps you move on from the past and the faith that helps you let things be instead of forcing them to happen or trying to control everything in your life.

Forget the losses, focus on the substantial things you won. Maybe you found yourself, maybe you found your calling, maybe you realized you’re a lot more powerful than you think. Maybe you stopped being so obsessed with winning and started focusing on the journey. Maybe losing things taught you that nothing really lasts in life. Everything is temporary, including pain. Pain is temporary too.

But sometimes the beauty of life is only palpable after experiencing pain. Sometimes it takes pain to make us appreciate life, appreciate the good things we have and appreciate ourselves.

Pain is inevitable, we can never run away from it for too long but we can always take what it taught us and leave the hurt behind. We can take the lessons and forget the losses.

By : Rania Naim

When Silence Becomes Muteness: How Coping Mechanisms Can Accidentally Make Us Less Human

Life challenges us from every direction, and often leaves insufficient adjustment time space between any two respective problems. We are left to ourselves to find solutions to multiple problems at the same time.  With that in mind, consider how little we are taught about life and being human, so we create coping mechanisms as we go along. This coping mechanisms affect us, what follows are some of the ways we are affected.

If you are silent about your problems, you may learn resilience, but if you are silent too long, your silence becomes muteness, you may lose your capacity to speak about your problems, and  with that your ability to speak about good things as well, about how you felt alive after a certain experience or how love is a miracle.

If you close your eyes from your problems, you may learn gratitude, but if you close your eyes too long, closed eyes become blindness, you may lose your capacity to see your problems, and with that your ability to see the beauty and wonders of life.

If you cover your ears from your problems, you may learn positivity, but if you close your ears too long, covered ears become deafness, you may lose your ability to hear your problems and their negativity, and with that your general ability to hear all the great music, inspiring poems and stories of hope. Yes you may hear them with your ears but your human element won’t hear a thing.

If you cover your skin from your problems, you may learn warmth, but if you cover your skin too long, you may lose your ability to feel your problems, and with that your general ability to feel the care, support and love from others.

If you sleep to avoid your problems, you may get respite from them, but if you sleep too long, you may be less conscious of your problems, and become less alive as well, find yourself reduced to a breathing animal with no mental life.

If you build a wall to keep your problems out, you may get freedom, but if you stay behind walls too long, you may lose your ability to move freely because walls are restrictive, and walls keep both the good and the bad out and you will be empty and alone.

Sometimes silence becomes muteness, looking away blindness, not listening deafness, anything taken to the extreme becomes a disorder or disability.

Sometimes our coping mechanisms make us less and less human, chopping off human attributes bit by bit. While I don’t know much about best ways to cope or how to live life, I know that we should at least review our coping mechanism lest they be chopping mechanisms that chop our lives to pieces.

By : Lawrance Khotso