I’ve never felt infinite.
I’ve never felt like I would carry on forever, or that my youth protected me somehow. I never viewed my existence as vital or particularly special. I never aspired to leave a legacy or ensure my name was included in future (probably inaccurate) text books. I am me, and that was always enough.
The worst thing about my cancer diagnosis was the abrupt loss of the unknown. All the adventure had suddenly been taken out of everything. I was spoiling goods on a new shelf, ticking down the days to my expiration date. I’ve read a lot of blogs and articles and books about cancer, about the people who have survived, or at least endured it, and I wish I could say the experience changed me as fundamentally as it changed them. That I experienced a deep and profound sense of enlightenment, or sudden motivational drive…
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