Why Holding On Too Long Is The Right Thing To Do

We’ve all been there. And if you haven’t been there, you’ve seen it. The relationship is done, there’s nothing left for either party involved, but yet it continues on. Maybe they’re broken up and still hooking up occasionally. Maybe the girl no longer wants to be with the guy, but the second he’s gone she calls crying, and he puts his head down before begrudgingly returning to her. We’ve all been in this place in some way, shape or form, and it’s horrible. Any sane, half-logical person will tell you that you should never put yourself in that position, and rightfully so. But, when the time comes to walk away from that person that you’ve put your entire heart and soul into, the person that’s made you happier than you ever thought possible, the person that knows all of your secrets, the person you think the world of, it’s so damn difficult to just turn around, walk away and never look back. And I don’t think you should.

You’re never going to find someone like that person again. You may find someone better, you may find someone worse, but you’ll definitely find someone different. And when someone makes you feel as good – and as bad – as they can, you should hold on to that for as long as possible. Happiness is an incredible feeling, and if someone takes you to the most extreme points of happiness when you’re with them, you shouldn’t let them go. Because for every stupid fight over nothing, there’s a late night car ride spent singing and dancing your heart outs. For every angry text sent saying, “I’m done.” There’s a good morning apology text that reminds you why you care so fucking much about them. Even if you can’t stand to look at them at times, and those times will come, you should still understand how happy they truly make you and hold onto that for as long as possible. We live in a world where everything we do is judged, so finding that one special person who looks at you without judgmental eyes, and thinks that you’re a great person, is someone that you should cherish for as long as possible.

You’ll regret a lot of the time spent with them after things have been damaged beyond repair, but you’ll also cherish those new memories made. Break-ups are the worst, but it’s so hard to go cold turkey from a person who took your breath away for the last year. It’ll hurt waking up next to them, and knowing they’re not yours anymore. You know what’s worse than that? Waking up alone. It will hurt knowing that they’ve given their heart to someone else. Guess what hurts more? Knowing they’ve taken back the part of their heart they gave to you. Moving on is difficult to do, but I’d rather move on progressively than in one swift act of heart-wrenching pain. So if that person you once wanted so much still wants you, and you still have a place in your heart for them, open it up. Maybe you’ll realize that all those feelings you had are gone, maybe you’ll understand that you need this person in your life, maybe you’ll confuse the shit out of yourself, but at least you won’t regret not taking one – or 12 – more chance to see things can still work.

It hurts knowing that things are over. Someone has to move on first, but it’s not easy for either of you. It sucks going through a heartbreaking experience, and going through it a few times over the course of a couple of weeks, or months, is emotionally draining, but there’s still so much to gain fighting for a love you once had. Even if you know that the love has almost completely evaporated, you shouldn’t let go of something until it breaks you. Screw playing it safe, falling in love is dangerous in the first place. If you’re going to play a dangerous game, you better be prepared to get hurt, and probably pretty badly. If you’ve been hurt once before, don’t be afraid to get hurt again, because the happiness they’ll make you feel in between is worth it.

Once it’s completely over, then it is time to let it go. If there are no mutual feelings, if there’s no respect, no trust, no care, then you have to be ready to say goodbye. Don’t put yourself in an abusive relationship where you’re being used. That’s wrong. But if you both have some remnants of past relationship, then embrace those feelings until you crush them. Hold on for one more kiss at 8 a.m. before they go to work, stay for that one last time they hold your hand on a roller coaster, and don’t walk away from someone that you once held so highly until you know it’s done.

But maybe I’m wrong.



This Is Tough Love

A collection of tough love: what nobody wants to hear but usually needs to at one point or another.

Distance: The Ultimate Heartbreaker


Thought Catalog

You hear all these stories about young love. About how it burns bright and fast, like fire. It starts with all its might, turning yellow and orange, red and blue at the center. Yet the same quick way it starts it ends. I know what they say about young love. That it never lasts, that it’s just the first of many. But what when the ending is not by choice, but need, because distance gets in the way and we’re too young to realize that maybe this was supposed to be it. Maybe we’re too scared to admit that we wanted nothing but each other. And then friends’ opinions get in the way, or the thought of what “the right thing” to do is stops us from doing what we really want to do.

I said goodbye to my boyfriend last night because like many others, he’s going abroad for…

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23 Ways To Feel Better Instantly

I love to take a walk outside, that always makes me feel better.

Thought Catalog


1. Make a playlist of all your favorite songs, old ones you may have totally forgotten about from middle school or ones that bring back good memories.

2. Take a walk outside. I find I only start to feel worse and wallow if I let myself melt into my bed and engage in the bad feelings.

3. Organize your drawers or closet. It feels good to be productive when you feel like a worthless idiot on the inside. You can look at your clean clothes and feel like a human again.

4. Eat something decadent. Make an ice cream sundae or smores. They’re not just for camping!

5. Go through your phone and delete anyone you no longer talk to or anyone who sucks and makes your life worse.

6. Draw. I have a stack of paper and some colored pencils for just such an occasion. It’s relaxing and fun…

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I Hate It When People Change

I hate it when people change. I hate it when someone is exactly like you and then slowly morphs into a stranger. It can be because of big life changes like becoming a born again Christian or a cumulation of little things. Like you became vegan and got really into organic farming and stopped drinking so now you live in Humboldt and post pictures of dolphins on your Facebook. All the little things added up to being a big thing and here we are not recognizing each other.

I don’t think I’ve ever really fundamentally changed as a person. My personality has, more or less, stayed the same. There have been no drastic changes. People will never hear about something I did and think, “Wow, that’s so out-of-character for you!” because I’m a creature of habit. I like what I like. In fact the most noticeable difference I’ve encountered in my twenties is the change in my tastebuds. Food I hated as a child I’m just now coming around to. That, to me, is shocking. Suddenly loving tomatoes and avocados when I abhorred both when I was younger is a huge deal for me.

This inflexibility I have in my character is, of course, a good and a bad thing. And maybe I misspoke when I say that I “hate’” when people change. I’m just more fascinated by it than anything else. I’m fascinated when the city person eventually moves to the country, when the non-smoker develops a pack a day habit. How do people do this? How do people add and drop characteristics of themselves seemingly on a whim? Mine are stuck to me like glue. Of course we never know what the future might bring. At the age of forty, I might change  my lifestyle and become a different person but, judging by my history, it just doesn’t seem likely.

How does someone change? How does someone decide to make a drastic change? What skills are needed? I’m genuinely curious. Over the years, I’ve drifted from close friends because of subtle changes, things I was quick to blame on them, but maybe that was naive of me. Maybe I was changing too. Maybe I wasn’t right in thinking that I was staying the same while everyone was adapting to new personalities. It makes you wonder if you’re ever able to see real change in yourself or if you need others to be your mirror.

No matter the reason, it makes me sad to see people I love change into something unrecognizable. You try to fight the differences and pretend that time isn’t killing the relationship but at the end of the day you must surrender to change. You can’t ignore what’s no longer there.


10 Things That You Should Let Go

1. Never ever let someone walk all over you.

You’ll realize a few people out there just aren’t into the things you are. Your little insecure self (everyone has one of these) will tell you otherwise, and you’ll fall victim to someone else’ opinion on how you’re taste in clothes or music is utter crap. Give them the finger, love and respect yourself for digging Justin Bieber’s new unplugged album, or the fact that you like eating your cereal with water.

2. If someone isn’t into you, they’re really just not that into you.

You can’t force love or crush. But you can always plant a seed. Be your awesome-ridiculous self, and they’ll see the comfort behind that skin.

3. Don’t fight it.

Some people completely get a rise out of belittling you. They’re usually the ones who are fighting the toughest battles with themselves. Whether they shut you down based on your political, religious, or personal beliefs, don’t be shoving your own opinions down someone’s throat and expect them to come out with an ah-hah moment. First, learn to talk with them, not at them.

4. Let go of the notion you’re missing out on something.

I know. As a twenty-something, there’s always something going on in this pop-culture driven era. Whether an awesome concert is happening and your midterm is at 8 am the next day, have your priorities straight. I know we tell ourselves we feel old, and being home alone on a Friday night has an emptiness that comes with it, but sometimes just kicking back and enjoying your own company has its benefits.

5. That you could have done something different.

Look, we all have our regrets, something we wished we could’ve done differently. But there’s no time machine that will take us to that exact moment in time to change the turnout. Maybe you cheated on a boy/girl friend and that person you hurt was the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Rather than moping and wishing you could have taken a step back and reassessed the situation, look towards and not back. Be that better version of you starting today.

6. Not everyone is willing to jump in on your party.

I have a good friend who is always doing something he truly enjoys. Whether people tag along with him or not, it makes no difference. He’s the type of guy who will go to a baseball game or the movies by himself, just to foster his own passion and interest. Begin by having fun with yourself and others will follow.

7. Judgements.

This doesn’t pertain to just people. This has to do with everything and all things. We tend to judge people and experiences even before we become immersed in on the action. Based on how someone looks, or who they’re friends with, we automatically assume the best or worst in them, strictly by associations. Even going to a movie. I have a friend who whole-downheartedly with the passion of Satan himself hates Nicolas Cage, and will refuse to watch any movies with him in it. He may have just turned down the possibility of his next favorite movie. All jokes aside, judgements are like the curtains that blinds the possibility of the next best thing. I believe that fear is the root of all judgements. Living with possibilities means letting go of your need for control. I’m not saying it’s wrong to have a preference, but go into each occasion and meeting with open arms. Being stuck in your own little world will get you only so far.

8. Changing someone.

I’ve always held the mentality that if I were giving somebody space to do their own thing, I always figured I could be the one leading by example. Unconsciously, this was my way of trying to change somebody. But when you can completely accept someone for every flaw and likeable characteristics, your judgment of them dissipates. Every action or words that come out of them, is there own being. It’s just the way they are. Whether someone is fearful of showing love in a relationship due to having hurt someone in the past, you can only listen to them and accept them as they are.

9. That happiness is found through another.

You may think you’re in an ideal ‘loving’ relationship when you can adore the characteristic and qualities of a person. This ranges from how their hair smells, to their intelligence, or the way they bbq, but thinking you’ve found the right person and telling yourself your happy because you share common characteristics will only go skin deep. The root of happiness comes from you, and finding that is a personal journey. Happiness, is of course meant to be shared, and sharing it with another who also contains a dose of this can be quite momentous.

10. That I need to have it figured out.

Some of you would have thought you’d be elsewhere at this age. Others would have figured you’d be driving a Ferrari on the Pacific Coast highway with the top down at 27. Maybe you’re still working at the restaurant you applied at 2 years ago, when things were hopeless. You’ve been a bridesmaid at one too many weddings, yet you’re still single. We’ve all consumed this idea of ‘regularity’. We follow the footsteps of what’s suited as normal and it eats away at our self esteem and character. I believe Robert Frost had said it best, ‘I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.’ Having it figured out means you lose half the fun of what life will offer you. I’m not saying you should be wandering this world hopelessly in a complete daze. What I’m saying is that life is about evolution, self growth. No life is worth living if you aren’t seeing this take place in your very own life. So throwing yourself in a place you don’t feel comfortable being in, and because it’s something you ‘should’ be doing is just self-torture. And trust me, knowing what’s next just kills half the excitement. We’re all piecing bits and pieces of this hectic puzzle at a different rate. So if you’re thinking to yourself that at this age you should be able to afford that modern couch, or your hands are gathering tears of misery from the picture update of your best friend who is 8 months pregnant as her husbands snuggly lays on her belly, while screaming ‘why not me!’ there are other adventures waiting for you out there. Never take the shortcuts, because you’ll miss the beauty of perseverance along the way.


7 Things You Shouldn’t Change For Anyone

dear people, you must read it.

Thought Catalog

1. Your tastes in entertainment.

While there is nothing wrong with adding some things here and there that you enjoy from being introduced to them along the way, don’t let anyone shame you out of loving what you love. If your rocks get off on Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande, don’t you let a single human soul tell you that you shouldn’t because it’s “cheesy” or “too poppy.” Your tastes — high, low, and mid-brow — are entirely yours, and should be able to live in harmony with anyone worth their salt. Take it from someone who lost a full year pretending to like jam bands (I know, kill me) to impress a boyfriend, it’s never worth it.

2. The way you feel about your body.

Someone either loves your body the way it is when they get with you, or they shouldn’t be with you. You don’t get into…

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