102 Ways To Not Let Irrational Thoughts Ruin Your Life Next Year

1. Learn to differentiate what’s actually happening from what you’re currently thinking about.

2. Learn the difference between honesty and truth. The way you honestly feel can be different from how you truthfully feel – the former is usually temporary, the latter is deeper, and consistent.

3. Stop trying to navigate the path while the forest is dark. You’ll most want to try to make changes to your life when you’re consumed by emotion, but that’s the worst time to do so. Do not make decisions when you’re upset. Let yourself come back down to neutral first.

4. Fire can burn your house down, or it can cook you dinner each night and keep you warm in the winter. Your mind is the same way.

5. Recognize that anxiety stems from shame. It is the idea that who you are or what you are doing is “not right,” therefore eliciting a rush of energy designed to help you “fix” or change it. You’re suffering because there’s nothing you can fix to make that urgent, panicked feeling go away. It’s a mismanaged perception of who and how you are.

6. Remedy your tunnel vision by writing your narrative on a piece of paper. Start with: “My name is…” and then go on to list where you live, what work you do, what you’ve accomplished, who you spend time with, what you’re working on, what you’re proud of.

7. Realize that thoughts are illusions, but powerful ones. Take inventory of all the things you’ve thought and worried about that have turned out not to be real. Think of all the time you wasted preparing for outcomes that would never manifest, and problems that were only in your head.

8. Practice negative visualization. Create tangible solutions for your intangible fears. Show yourself that you won’t actually die if you lose a job or a boyfriend. Make a list of the things you worry about most, imagine the worst outcome, then make a plan for exactly how you would deal with it if that came to pass.

9. Stop being so cerebral. Do things with your hands. Cook, clean, go outside.

10. Evolve past one-dimensional thinking. People who worry a lot are usually very firm in their convictions of what is and isn’t. They fail to see complexity, opportunity, the majority of the iceberg that is the reality they don’t know and can’t see.

11. Practice healthy discomfort. Learn to lean into your stress, not resist it.

12. Change your objective. The goal is not to feel “good” all the time, it’s to be able to express a healthy range of emotion without suppressing or suffering.

13. Ask yourself the following questions when a thought upsets you: “Is this true? Can I absolutely know this is true?” Most of the time, the answer will be “no” to one or both.

14. Do more. If you have time to be regularly consumed by irrational, spiraling thoughts, you need more to focus on, more to work toward, more to suffer for. Make sure you’re living more than you’re thinking about living.

15. Accept the fact that everyone, everywhere, has weird, incorrect, disturbing thoughts that have no bearing on reality. You are not a freak. You are (probably) not sick. You just have to learn to not be intimidated by your own mind.

16. Freaking out is not usually what happens when something in your life actually needs to change. Depression, anger, resistance, sadness… that’s what happens when something isn’t right. Stop gauging how bad things are by how much you panic, and start by gauging what your emotional homeostasis is. That’s how you know what’s really wrong or right – what you consistently do and how you regularly feel.

17. When you are spiraling, be able to say out loud: “I am having a panic attack. I am having irrational thoughts.” Doing so is the first step toward bringing yourself back to reality.

18. Identify your comfort zones, and step back into them now and again. Moving past the place that you’re used to is a gradual process – going too quickly is a recipe for a breakdown.

19. Prove yourself wrong. Show yourself that your thoughts have no basis in truth. Go to the doctor and confirm that you aren’t dying of some incurable disease. Ask someone how they feel about you if you don’t know. Do not live in the grey area when answers are available.

20. Do not always trust yourself. Give yourself space to be wrong. Open yourself up to the idea that you don’t know what you don’t know. If your feelings are informed by irrational thoughts, they can very well be incorrect.

21. Trust what gives you peace. Even if the idea of an intimate relationship or a career the field of your dreams scares you initially, if it’s what you really want, it will also give you a feeling of “yes.” Trust your “yes” feelings.

22. Take the instances in which you’re most uncomfortable to mean that it’s time you expand yourself. You need to learn to think differently, see differently, do differently. You need to open yourself. If you don’t, you’ll be stuck in the cocoon phase forever.

23. Fall in love with the unknown, for the fact that it will almost always bring you things better than you could have imagined – things that are worse than you could have imagined are almost always products of your own thinking or perception of what they mean about you or your future.

24. Practice radical acceptance. Learn to tell the parts of your story you’d rather shove under the rug. You’re allowed to say: “I don’t love my body. I feel a little stuck right now. I am not happy in my relationship. I am in debt” without it being a condemning statement.

25. Realize that there are three layers of you: your identity, your shame, and your true self. Your identity is your outermost layer, it’s the idea that you think other people have of you. Your shame is what’s shielding you from expressing your true self, which is at your core. It is from your shame circle that irrational thoughts breed and thrive. Work on closing the gap between who the world thinks you are and who you know you are. Your mental health will change significantly.

26. Learn deep breathing exercises. This sounds kind of annoying if you’ve tried it and it hasn’t worked before, but it’s actually one of the most effective non-prescription solutions to a freak out.

27. Expand your perceptions. If you’re uncomfortable, you’re being pushed to think beyond what you’ve known. You’re being called to see yourself in a new way. Open yourself to possibilities you normally wouldn’t consider, or layers of yourself you’ve yet to see.

28. Practice rational thinking, and often. You shouldn’t trust your mind to think healthfully on autopilot. You have to train it.

29. Part of that training will include knowing what to do when something irrational pops up – which is to evaluate it objectively, determine if it serves you, and laugh about it if not.

30. Irrational thoughts are sometimes products of intense, rational fears you’ve yet to fully acknowledge or deal with. When you’re in a stable state of mind, sit down and be honest with yourself about what those are.

31. Differentiate the fine line between what you can and can’t control. You can, for example, control how much effort you put into your work. You cannot control how other people respond to it. You can control what you wear each day. You cannot control how good other people think you look.

32. Stop pretending you know what other people are thinking.

33. Stop pretending you know what the future holds, indefinitely.

34. Understand that your sense of self is entirely a mental thing, and it’s the foundation of your sanity. If you believe you’re the kind of person who can bear pain or loss, you will be the kind of person who can bear pain or loss. If you believe you’re worthy of love, you will experience love when it comes.

35. Work on re-defining your sense of self by things that aren’t material or shallow. Instead of thinking you are someone who is attractive and successful, learn to think of yourself as someone who is resilient, hungry for new experiences, capable of deeply loving others, and so on.

36. Learn to see each day from the perspective of your older self.

37. Think about who you were two years ago, or even five. Try to remember a random day in your life during those times. Notice how your focus immediately turns toward what you had to be grateful for. Learn to do that with today.

38. Sometimes, the best way to get over anything is just to work on forgetting about it. Not everything requires analysis.

39. The best way to forget is to fill your life with new, better things. Things you may not have expected, things you didn’t know you didn’t know about, things you never imagined you’d like.

40. Accept that irrational thoughts, much like anxiety, or sadness, or anything else, will always be a part of your life. They aren’t going anywhere. Experiencing them isn’t a sign that you’ve back-tracked or that you’re off-path or that something’s desperately wrong, per say.

41. Recognize that there’s a correlation between worry and creativity. It’s the most basic aspect of human evolution – the more we fear something, the more creative we are in creating solutions to adapt to the alternative. See your fears as catalysts for bettering your life, not as you being condemned to suffering.

42. Remember that you can choose what you think about, and even when it feels like you can’t, it’s because again, you’re choosing to believe that.

43. “Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” – Marcus Aurelius

44. Go outside and look at the stars and drink a glass of wine.

45. Try bullet journaling. When you go back and re-read it, you’ll begin to see what your patterns are, particularly your self-sabotaging ones.

46. Meditate and imagine speaking with your oldest, wisest, most optimal future self. What you’re doing is tapping deep into your subconscious. Let your choices be guided by the person you hope to become.

47. Laugh.

48. When you ask other people for advice on whatever you’re worrying about, first ask yourself what you hope they’ll say. That’s what you want to tell yourself.

49. Talk to other people and ask them to tell you about the silly things they worry irrationally about. You’re in good company.

50. Work on developing your mental strength. Train your mind like you would your body. Work on focusing, thinking, imagining. This is the single best thing you can possibly do for your life.

51. Say thank you for the fact that you care enough about yourself to even feel panicked about something in the first place.

52. Remind yourself that what you fear is the shadow side to what you love. The more fear, the more love. Learn to start seeing what’s right as much as you worry about what’s not.

53. Give yourself permission to feel okay. This is why we love when other people love us. Nobody else can actually transmute the sensation of love – we crave it from others because it lets us flip the mental switch that gives us permission to be happy, proud, excited, or content. The trick, the whole work of “loving ourselves,” is just learning to do it on our own.

54. Keep your spaces clean and clear.

55. Recite mantras or prayers or motivational speeches in the mirror, if you must. Anything that focuses your mind on something positive and hopeful.

56. Consume your mind with things that interest you – aside from your own problems.

57. If you cannot do this, it means you don’t know yourself well enough yet. That’s okay. The point is that you realize this now, and begin learning.

58. Practice happiness. External events don’t create meaning or fulfillment or contentment, how we think about them does. If you’re operating on a scarcity mindset, you’ll always be unhappy, no matter what you have or get.

59. Do something unexpected. Book a trip, date someone wrong for you, get a tattoo, start looking for a new job in a field you didn’t think you’d enjoy. Show yourself that you don’t know what you don’t know about your life, or yourself. Not completely. Not yet.

60. Practice radical acceptance. Choose to love your home, and your body, and your work, even if you don’t like it all the time. Choose to build your life from a place of gratitude and vision, rather than running from your own fears.

61. Be mindful of who you surround yourself with. Your most constant company will account for a lot of how you turn out over the coming years. Pay attention.

62. Spend time on your own, especially when you feel like you don’t want to. You are your first and last friend – you are with you until the end. If you don’t want to be with you, how can you expect anyone else to, either?

63. Re-write your “success” narrative. Sometimes success is getting enough sleep. Sometimes it’s doing what you know is right despite the fact that everyone else in your life is looking down on it. Sometimes it’s just getting through the day, or the month. Lower your expectations.

64. Write out your fears in explicit detail.

65. Listen to scary podcasts or watch horror movies. Expose yourself to things that are actually terrifying. (This will either make it better or worse, but hey, give it a try.)

66. Dream bigger. If you feel as though you’re constantly running through the same issues in your mind, you’ve yet to visualize a future that is greater than your present. When you have something more important to work toward – or someone to be better for – the obsession with little, made up problems will quickly dissolve.

67. Don’t confuse a broken dream with a broken future.

68. Don’t confuse a broken heart for a broken life.

69. Create a routine you love, one that involves enough sleep and down time, and a realistic degree of “stuff you know you should do” vs. “stuff you actually want to do.”

70. Validate yourself. Choose to believe that the life you have is more than enough.

71. Take an evening (or a few) to meditate on your past. Think of all the pain and sadness you shoved away. Let yourself feel those things. When you let them surface, they won’t control you anymore.

72. Choose to do things because you want joy more than you choose to do them because you want to avoid pain.

73. Take an honest look at your life and evaluate how much you’ve constructed as a means to avoid pain, and decide whether or not those fears are even valid in the first place. Do you hold a lesser view of yourself so nobody else’s opinion can hurt you? Do you choose relationships where you’re unwanted so you don’t have to open up to the vulnerability of love?

74. Make plans to build the life you want, not because you hate the one you have, but because you’re in love with the person you know you want to become.

75. Be discerning about what you accept as truth, who you give your energy to, what you do when you procrastinate, and what you surround yourself with at home.

76. Connect with people. Connect with people. Connect with people.

77. Create vision boards. Or just use Pinterest more. Seeing the life you want is the first step to creating it.

78. Remember that you’re not upset about what you lost – you’re upset about what you never really had the chance to have in the first place. You’ll regret what you didn’t do, not what you’ve done.

79. Dedicate your time to helping someone else. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, donate your belongings, work with kids after school. Make your life about more than just your own wants.

80. Redefine “happiness” not as something you experience when you get what you want, but something you feel when you have something meaningful to work toward each day.

81. Focus on getting better, but let go of the end goal. You get better, not perfect.

82. Let yourself be loved as the person you are. You’ll quickly see how the main person judging you is you.

83. Stop judging other people. See everyone with dignity, with a story, with reasons for why they are how they are and why they do what they do. The more you accept other people, the more you’ll accept yourself, and vice versa.

84. Channel your over-active imagination into something creative. Write an insane novel. Write a short horror story. Make up songs and record them on your phone, just for yourself.

85. Or do what every wise person does, and use your over-active imagination to imagine the best possible outcomes rather than the worst, and then imagine how you can work toward getting there.

86. Let go of the idea that anything is “given” or “taken” from you. You create. You choose.

87. Ask for help when you actually need help. If you don’t learn to do this, you will end up exacerbating a million other non-issues and seeking attention for those, because you don’t actually have what you need, which is support in the moments that really matter.

88. Stop thinking that being sad or broken makes you unlovable, or “bad.” Your honest moments don’t destroy relationships, they bond (as long as you’re being genuine).

89. Thinking that there are starving kids on the other side of the world will not alleviate your pain, so stop trying to compare.

90. That said: there’s a lot worse you could be going through, and if you think back on your life, you can probably remember instances in which you still were.

91. Read books that interest you, and read them often. Hearing a new voice in your mind will teach you how to think differently.

92. Take a nap. Seriously, wrap yourself in a blanket and go to sleep for 20 minutes. It’s like hitting the “refresh” button on your brain.

93. Recognize that fear is an indicator that something is powerful and worthwhile. The deeper the fear, the deeper the love.

94. “The obstacle is the way.”

95. Let what you dislike about your present be a guiding light toward what you want to love about your future.

96. Challenge yourself to think of possibilities you never imagined before, as often as you can. Let your mind explore itself and grow.

97. Nobody is thinking about you the way you are thinking about you. They’re all thinking about themselves.

98. Recognize that when you’re lost, you’re also free. When you have to start over, you get to pick better. If you don’t like yourself, you have a chance to fall in love with yourself. Don’t stand in front of the road sign forever, map a new path.

99. “This too shall pass.”

100. Fucking try. Honestly, seriously, try. Put your everything into the work you have. Be kind to people when they don’t deserve it. You’ll have a lot less energy to worry with when you’re funneling it into things that are really worthwhile.

101. Learn how to relax. Work on learning how to happily do nothing.

102. Trust that things get better as time goes on. Not because time heals, but because you grow. You discover that you’re capable. You realize that your fourth breakup doesn’t hurt even nearly as bad as your first did. This isn’t because life is easier, it’s because you’re smarter.

By : Brianna Weist

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Reminder: Today Is New

How many times have you woken up and immediately allowed yesterday’s pain to filter into your mind? How many mornings have you rolled over, groaned, and hit snooze for the fifth time in an attempt to stop the day from beginning? How many nights have you fallen asleep wishing for something to change, for something to be different, for your soul not to ache anymore?

How long have you let the same heaviness weigh down your heart?

I want you to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and tell yourself this: Today is new. Repeat that. Let those three words soak into your pores, through your skin, into each and every cell.

Right now, you have a choice. Right now, you have an opportunity. Right now, you have a chance to let what has burdened you in the past slip slowly off your shoulders and to the ground. Right now, you are welcomed to start over, to start again, to start your day with a confident, hopeful mindset.

Right now, you have the ability to change—not what has happened to you, but where you go from here.

This is your reminder that today is new. That today is not yesterday. That these next twenty-four hours do not have to drip with the fear, or anxiety, or loneliness, or exhaustion of the past. No, it’s not easy to just shut off your mind. No, it’s not logical, or even healthy to pretend that what you’re going through simply does not exist.

But there is no reason to cling to all that is breaking you, hoping for some sort of release. You don’t have to forget that you are hurting or neglect your pain—but you don’t need to spiral yourself down, either. Today you can choose to see light, rather than darkness. Today you can give yourself hope instead of closed doors.

Open your eyes and breathe deeply. Let the air fill your lungs, let your ribcage expand, let the sounds of morning fill your ears, your heart, your soul. Look around you. Is there something to be thankful for? Is your heart beating, your eyes seeing, your limbs still nimble and strong? If not, is there light coming through the windowpane? Is there a picture on the wall, a book on the shelf, some reminder of the people who care for you, the beautiful life you’ve lived?

Can you find something to focus on—something that brings a little hope, something that is a reminder of a place you used to be, the person you’ve been? Can you look yourself in the mirror, find one thing to praise, to celebrate, to smile at, even if your face is tired? Can you remind your reflection that who you are is not defined by this human body? That the most beautiful thing about you is what is unseen?

Stand up. Move around. Shake your fingers, your arms, your toes. Find something comfortable to wear. Quiet the voices that tell you you aren’t good enough. Silence the nagging in the back of your mind that something is missing, that a piece of you won’t ever be found.

Tell yourself you’re doing alright. You’re taking little steps. You’re standing and moving and breathing and sometimes that in itself is more than enough.

Tell yourself today does not have to be a repeat of what was. That there are three different zones—past, present, future—and sometimes the most important thing is to be in the present, to live in the now. So try to live right here.

Think of your next choice—Is it breakfast? Coffee? A long commute? A walk to the store? A run to the bus stop? A short drive to your child’s school? A lazy trip to the computer in your next room? What do you have to do today? Is it emails? Is it meetings? Is it something concrete that you can focus on your attention towards, and let everything painful slip away?

Can you choose to be present, let what is not yours to keep fade and find a home elsewhere? Can you be here, today? And love your heart enough to slowly let it heal?

Because today is not yesterday, not two days ago, not last week, last month, last year. Today is untouched. Today is unblemished. Today is open and free, ready for your feet to walk upon, your hands to touch.

Today is yours for the taking, yours to decide the direction, the decisions, the places you will go. Today is healing. Today is new. So why don’t you stand up, step forward, and start again.

By Marisa Donnelly

Learn to be happy here, now, today. If you do not learn how to be happy in the present, no job, no partner, no success, no trip, no money, nothing that you are working for will be as enjoyable as you think. You cannot save up your happiness to be released when you think you deserve it. You either have it now, or you have it never.

 

Brianna Weist

10 Things You Need To Change If You Want To Have A Radically Different Life 10 Years From Now

If you want to have a better day tomorrow, identify what brings you pleasure.

If you want to have a better year next year, identify what brings you pride.

If you want to have a better life in 10 years, identify what’s keeping you gridlocked in the habits you think bring you pleasure and pride.

1. Identify your root motivations.

If you dislike someone, yet can’t seem to stop hanging out with them, there is a reason. If you want to lose weight, yet feel the need to keep overeating, there is a reason. If you want a relationship badly, but can’t seem to put yourself out there and find someone, there is a reason.

The human psyche is self-preserving. Everything that we are doing we are doing because we think it is benefiting us in some way. If there’s some habit you can’t get past, or some reality that you desperately want to change, you first have to figure out why you are here in the first place. There is some core wound or belief or experience that is scaring you into repeating the behavior.

You are not a victim of your chronic problems, you are in love with your chronic problems because you think they serve you in some way, so you keep re-creating situations in which you can experience them. Figure out what need they are feeding, and learn to fill it another way.

2. Ignore your problems. Focus on their solutions.

“Ignore your problems” sounds at face value like potentially the worst advice in the world (and by the way, at face value, it is) but it’s also the only advice that will actually work in the long-term.

When you are constantly struggling with your problems, thinking about what you want and wish you had, you are repeatedly putting yourself back in the state of “not having.” If you want more money, you are making yourself feel as though you don’t have it. If you want a relationship, you are making yourself feel as though you’re unloved. What creates change is not the ability to dissect problems, but to create solutions and put all of your energy toward them.

Healing is just getting over your fears. Getting over your fears is acting in spite of them.

Change is rebuilding the city, not sitting in the ruins.

3. Stop consuming toxic crap.

You know that saying “you are what you eat?” It’s more like “you are what you consume,” and it goes so far beyond just what you’re putting in your mouth.

Everything you put around you is conditioning you. The people you spend time with, the things you read, the place you work, the habits you sustain, and yes, of course, what you eat and drink. You are molding yourself into the person you will become with each of these actions, every single day.

If your fate is your character, then your habits are your destiny.

Stop eating unhealthy foods and expecting to feel good. Stop sitting around your house scrolling on your phone and expecting to be productive and accomplished. Stop hanging out with negative, draining people and expecting to feel positive and fulfilled. Stop drinking yourself into an oblivion every weekend and wondering why you’re stuck in life. It’s not a mystery. Pretending it is keeps you in denial.

4. Stop waiting until you “feel like it.”

A lot of people will say that they feel like they need to “take some time and heal” before they get back out and start living their lives again. This is true if your intention is to take some time to yourself to reflect.

However, it is also a way that people avoid doing what they want and need to do. Do you know how you “heal” yourself? You start behaving differently. You start thinking differently. That is how you eradicate the life that you no longer want to live – by building a new one. Waiting around until you feel better is literally sitting in your leftover crap and wondering why it’s not getting cleaned up.

Stop waiting until every wound is healed before you get back up and start again. It is the doing that changes you, not idling.

5. Do tactile things.

Making sure you do tactile things isn’t a fun little suggestion for your Saturday afternoon, it’s how you make sure you’re differentiating actually creating a life you want and creating the image of a life you want. If you want a better life in 10 years, make sure you’re not just making one that looks good online. It needs to feel good IRL.

Make enough time each day to do something other than type and scroll. Read a book (a print copy). Go outside. Build or craft something. Cook. Do anything that requires you to experience a range of sensations. It’s not that any one of these things will magically transform you (though, of course, they can). It’s that staying connected to your real life keeps you aware of how things feel, not just how they look.

6. Stop being “busy.”

Busy is lazy. Busy means you don’t know how to manage your time. “Crazy busy” is the most boring and self-important thing you can say to people when they ask how you’re doing.

People either make themselves super busy, or pretend to be super busy, and they do both for the same reason: avoidance. They are either trying to avoid themselves, or avoid other people. Both are weak. Both lead to nothing.

Schedule your hours mindfully. Work better, but less. Leave hours open for people you care about. Leave hours open for yourself. Create a life that overwhelms you with peace, not mindless chatter. There is no merit in being “busy.” It says nothing about your status in life other than that you are worried you don’t have any.

7. Make daily decisions for your long-term goals, not short-term desires.

Most people live within a few hours long mental bandwidth. This is to say, they make choices based on their immediate desires, fears and ideas.

When you choose what you want for lunch, you think: “What am I in the mood for?” not “What will give me energy and make me feel good not only now, but in a few hours, and in a few days, and in a few years?” It is so easy for fleeting feelings to override logic, but we pay for it in the end. We assume we’ll “get healthy one day,” or “start saving one day,” and then one day comes and we realize that all of the little daily habits we have compiled have created the opposite of what we said we wanted.

We forget that “someday” is today, and the future is created right now.

8. Choose goals with your mortality in mind.

If you don’t know what to choose or what to do, zoom out of your current situation and imagine looking back at your life after you’re dead. Hell, imagine looking at your life even just 10 years from now. What would you wish you had done today? Would you be happy that you wasted so many hours shopping for clothes, watching TV, wondering what you should do with your life? Will you be happy that your greatest accomplishment was your appearance, or being someone who intimidates others?

Or will you wish that you had let go and done something meaningful – something you felt called to? Will you be happy that you wrote music, that you spent time outdoors, that you told the people you love that you love them, that you had long, lingering meals with them, and supported them, and shared, and looked at your demons and dissolved them by choosing otherwise?

9. Stop wasting your time evaluating the lives of people you dislike or disagree with.

Okay, we get it. You don’t understand why so-and-so did what they did. You disagree with their behavior. You would have done better. You did do better. You won’t show them empathy. You dislike them as a whole.

… And?

You are also subject to naive realism, which is that reality is self-evident to you based on your own perspective and experience. You don’t see the full picture because you can’t. You don’t know that had you been in someone else’s exact situation you wouldn’t have behaved similarly. In fact, your disdain toward them seems to imply that you feel afraid that you could, and maybe would have.

But all you have done here is illustrate the depth of your ego. All you have done here is make judgements about people’s lives that do not serve you or move you forward, they just make you a hater. And people do this all of the time. Gossip is a sustaining social life force a lot of the time.

Focus more on studying the lives of people you admire and want to emulate – lives that humble you – rather than lives that inflate your worst traits and make you want to position yourself to play god and tell someone (who isn’t that person) what’s right from wrong.

10. Wake up and ask yourself every day: “What can I do today that will change my life forever?”

Every single day, you have the potential to change your life forever.

Every day is an opportunity, a portal, to do something that will have an irrevocable impact on your life.

So many of us waste that on doing something that pacifies fear.

Ask yourself this every day, and then start making a list of what you could possibly do in the coming hours that would change everything, always. The answers will surprise you.

By : Brianna Weist

Forgive Yourself For The Times You Let Yourself Down

Forgive yourself for the times you weren’t the person you needed to be.

Forgive yourself for the times you disappointed those you love because you weren’t there for them or you didn’t take the path they wanted you to take or you didn’t listen to their advice. Forgive yourself for the lessons you chose to learn your own way. For the path you had to create for yourself. For taking a chance without getting everyone’s approval. This is how you build character. This is how you set yourself apart from others. This is how you become your own unique individual.

Forgive yourself for all the words you didn’t say.

Whether because you were scared or confused or afraid of looking weak. Forgive yourself for the moments of silence that lingered when you could have said something. Forgive yourself for not being able to save yourself or others from certain situations because you didn’t have the courage to speak up. This is how you learn to use your voice. This is how you learn the power of words. This is how you learn that silence won’t save you.

Forgive yourself for the times you failed to achieve a certain goal.

Forgive yourself for not being rich or married or famous or skinny by a certain age. Forgive yourself for thinking things were easier than they actually are. Forgive yourself for not knowing any better. You cannot always make things happen at a certain time. This is how you learn patience. This is how you learn the importance of faith. This is how you learn the art of waiting.

Forgive yourself for the times you forgot your own worth.

When you stayed in a relationship you shouldn’t have been in, when you gave a person a fourth chance to break your heart, when you let people get away with treating you like you were not important, when you believed the lies people told you about yourself and the times you let others dictate your value and your self-worth. This is how you learn who you really are. This is how you learn to love yourself. This is how you learn that you’re important and you are enough even if no one sees it. This is how you learn to live without anyone’s validation. 

By : Rania Naim

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

We live in an age of competition and comparison so this is going to require some serious brain training, but honestly, you need to stop putting that poison inside your brain and your spirit by comparing yourself to others. This toxic rhetoric of how we all need to be massively successful by a certain age, married by a certain age, owned property by a certain age, had children by a certain age is a lie.

The truth is, we are all on completely separate journeys. Some of us will be successful at 21, some of us will be successful at 41. We all find our partners at different times and are ready for children at separate times. Forcing people to believe that everything needs to be done by the time you’re 30 leaves a very narrow space to really follow your dreams and learn everything you can along the journey.

Life is about more than work and marriage and success. It’s about being a good person. It is about appreciating every person that enters and exits your life whilst you have them. It is about living a wholesome life tailored to you. It’s about making mistakes and learning from them. It’s about falling in love with the wrong people so when the right ones come along you know how to appreciate them. It’s about making YOURSELF ready for the challenges YOU will face.

And you won’t do any of that if you’re worrying about how you haven’t done what your friends are doing right now or your parents were able to do at your age.

So seriously, stop comparing yourself to other people. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Your individual journey and the things you learn and the things you will be ready for in your own time are so very different from anyone else’s.

And it’s not just your journey. Your destinations are entirely different, and entirely independently beautiful.

By : Nikita Gill

The Painful Things That Often Happen Right Before Your Life Is About To Transform

Discomfort is what happens when we are on the precipice of change. It usually takes a bit of discomfort to break through to a new understanding, to release a limiting belief, to motivate ourselves to create real change. Discomfort is a signal, one that is often very helpful. Here are a few (less than desirable) feelings that may indicate you’re on the right path after all:

1. Something really good happens and you realize you aren’t happier.

Everything that you’ve been working toward, everything that you’ve been holding out for to give you that elusive happiness, everything you have been certain your life is missing… now it’s here. And you’re still anxious. You’re still depressed. But you’ve realized something: feeling better was never a matter of having anything new on the outside. Now, your work begins to figure out what you need to do on the inside.

2. You become emotionally overreactive, for (what seems like) no reason at all.

It’s as though your feelings are surging, and you begin projecting them and creating problems out of thin air. But you aren’t actually becoming more emotional, you’re just finally recognizing the feelings that you have been suppressing for all this time. If you’re honest with yourself, you can see how you’ve always felt this way, but you’ve been blaming it on something else.

3. You start having physical symptoms of “energy purging.”

For some people, this is a desire to eat better, sleep more, or sweat more. For others, it can manifest as shaking, crying, a gagging feeling or reflex (with or without actual nausea).

4. Your relationships become more challenging than they are comforting.

Our relationships to others are our best opportunity to see ourselves clearly. (What we dislike in others is what we can’t see in ourselves; what we love in others is what we love in ourselves.) If your relationships are becoming strained, it’s because you’re being shown that you’re either with the wrong people, or you’re in the middle of a profound – but difficult – growing opportunity.

5. Your desires shift from success and money to freedom or health.

You start to seriously question what your motives in life have been, and what you really want for the future. You begin to understand the conventional wisdom of “money not mattering,” and the most important things in life being health, or family.

6. You feel stifled by irrational fears.

You are, at once, recognizing the power of your mind, and what happens when you don’t tame it. You’re stuck because some part of you is afraid that these irrational ideas are real. They aren’t, but this is often what happens when you begin to wake up to your inner power before knowing how to use it completely.

7. You’ve just met your soulmate, or feel like you’re about to.

People always underestimate the mental and emotional shift that happens when you meet your “other half.” Even if you have an amazing relationship (and you’re not caught in the twin flame shit show) you will usually be challenged, and find yourself changing in many important and positive ways… even if, at first, it feels uncomfortable.

8. You feel “lost.”

Feeling “lost” just means you are no longer living by the old ideas you had for what would be “right” for your life. You’re more in the moment, and your mind has to get used to no longer trying to chart out every next move. If you know what’s next on your path, it means you’re looking at somebody else’s.

9. You have to start treating yourself like a child again.

You’re realizing that you need to parent yourself, to ensure you get enough rest and healthy food and what not. When you revert to taking care of yourself like your ideal parent would, you’re finally learning what self-care and love really means.

10. Vivid memories you had forgotten about are surfacing from your subconscious.

All of a sudden, you can remember random moments from elementary school, or your childhood bedroom. It also seems like random embarrassing moments keep popping up in your memory. This is what happens when you begin to clear your energy – you’re releasing years of stored experiences that are weighing on you and affecting you even to this day. Your body never forgets.

11. You have an inexplicable interest in philosophy, spirituality or poetry.

All of a sudden, people who are always talking about their emotional ascensions or finding the god within or doing yoga or drinking juice seem fractionally less insane, and more, well, logical. You begin to question institutions that try to tell you what to believe, and start to see the importance in thinking for yourself.

12. You’re going through a “dark night of the soul.”

A “dark night of the soul” is an ancient concept that refers to the collapse of meaning and hope that usually occurs before a big transformation in someone’s life.

13. You begin to recognize your limitations.

A side effect of becoming more self-aware is seeing what you’re not naturally good at, identifying your daily needs, and seeing where you’ve been spreading yourself too thin.

14. You start to question everything.

You start to wonder whether or not you’re in the right relationship, the right career, the right city. You start to ask yourself why you behave the way you do, or why you’ve chosen what you have in your life so far. This doesn’t mean that every part of your life needs to be unraveled. All it means is that you’re taking a personal inventory of what works and what doesn’t.

15. Rather than feeling like you want to completely start your life over, you realize that you want to transform your perspective of the life you already have.

You’ve tried uprooting everything and isolating yourself and leaving your job abruptly one day, and you’ve always arrived right back where you are now. You’ve begun to realize that it isn’t always about changing your life, but changing how you think.

16. You’re reading this article.

Somewhere inside you, you know that this is precisely what you’re going through, and you’re looking to affirm that fact.

By : Brianna Weist